Facebook, we’ve got issues…

Dear Facebook,

I don’t know how to begin this letter to you.  How to express this.  But it’s been bothering me for a while lately, so–here goes.

It’s like this:  I both like you and don’t like you.

Maybe there are parts of me that you don’t like either.

But we’ve agreed to be friends and over a year ago, I signed up with you.  We shook virtual hands and you showed me how to upload a photo (fortunately my daughter tagged me in about 25 photos.  Me on the deck.  Me in winter coat.  Us on the gondola in Venice.  More me than I’d ever seen in one place before.)

Facebook: I like you, I don't like you, I like you, I...

Then you asked “What’s on your mind?”  Ohmygoodness!  What’s on my mind?  You mean you want this condensed to a couple of sentences?  You’ve got to be kidding!  There’s a blog on my mind!  A novella!  A full-length novel!  You want only one snippet?  How can one do this without shunning the other 500 snippets of the day?  Really, Facebook! 

Then you re-introduced me to all my old friends and family.  C’mon, you said, let’s all meet in my living room.  Let’s exchange one-line snippets and maybe play games and poke each other and chat and look at photos and–OK, Kathy–if you have to–write a note to your friends.

But I’m here to tell you that note-writing can be dangerous.  Let’s say you write a note and don’t tag anyone.  Then no one (except the savvy) reads your note.  If you choose ten or twenty people to tag with your note, everyone else feels rejected.  They feel like you don’t love them.  They sniffle.  Finally, one decides note-writing is not appropriate on Facebook.  See how it goes?

As for the privacy issue–Facebook, you have some people crazy over this one.  They say you don’t respect us.  They say you’re a gossip.  They say you share our secrets in other on-line places.  Personally, I’m not a-twitter (oh lord, we won’t even begin discussing Twitter here!) about the privacy issue.  I wag my tongue daily in a blog.  Last year I started my blog on WordPress without even giving my name.  This year I’m ready to divulge anything except maybe social security number.  So you probably can’t gossip any of my secrets without my already-given permission.  See, I won’t say anything on you that can’t be written on a billboard and posted on US-41.  So we’re OK on this issue.

Beside from the one-line condensations of our complicated lives and the challenges of note-writing on Facebook…here is another concern.  I have a sneaking suspicion that SOMETIMES Facebook makes us less close to our friends and family.

Didn't the Bible say: Get the fly out of your own eye before you cut down Facebook?

What?  Did I hear you gasping?  Well, it seems that way, anyway.  Not with all friends and family.  Some of us do seem to get closer.  Some of us have deepened into True Friendship in the halls of your on-line house.

But here is sometimes what seems to happen:

You connect with Cousin Anne or Old Friend Bob or College roommate Louise on Facebook.   Hug, hug, virtual hug.  You give high fives.  “Whatcha been doin’?  How ya been?  Isn’t it exciting to be on Facebook?  Now we can be part of each other’s lives once again!”

But the reality is this.  In 6 out of 10 cases (my estimation) you rarely ever exchange a word again with Anne or Bob or Louise.  You and Cousin Anne used to think you were close.  You used to think you would like to hang around if you lived near one another. You used to feel connected.

But let’s say you post your status, “Hey, I’m watering my geraniums right now!” or “Don and I are going boating this afternoon!” or “Love is a many splendored thing…” and Anne doesn’t say a word to you.  She instead chats with maybe four of her friends and ignores the other 66 of you. You can see she’s commenting and joking with other people.

Sixty-six people end up feeling ignored.  Well, that’s not true, Facebook.  Because thirty-three people aren’t even in your living room at all anymore.  They rarely poke their head in.  They rarely check statuses and they simply don’t care. 

A large group of us become stalkers–peering into the lives of people we thought were close–never saying a word.  And that’s probably because we can’t think of one-liners to condense our sentiments!  Or who knows why we don’t say anything?  Perhaps we have TOO many friends on Facebook and are now rendered completely overwhelmed.

Is it time to delete my Facebook account? Or simply come to terms with what it is?

Now, Mr. Book, don’t get me wrong.  You know I like you.  I think I like you.  I do like lots of my friends that perch in your living room.  Heck, I love lots of them.  That’s why I keep going over.  To see what’s happening and to connect with the friends who do respond to my one-line status updates.  To say, “Hi Susan!  Janet!  Carla!  Barbara!”  (Oh please forgive me all the rest of you…too many names to type…don’t mean to ignore you….please forgive!) To get a condensed snippet of what they’re thinking, feeling, doing.

The truth is this:  in some ways you’ve enriched several of my friendships.  In other ways–tut, tut–I think the opposite has happened.  And that makes me very sad.

Thank you for being a good sport and listening with an open mind.  Let’s try to work out our differences, shall we?   I know many of your profiles have a great relationship with you.  They think you’re dynamite!  They think you’re cool beans.

My daughter wisely suggested that I have challenges with you because I want you to be something different from you are.  Perhaps that’s true.  In that case, I shall have to work at accepting you for who you are.

Sincerely,  One of your profiles

P.S.  Just wrote this five minutes ago and got a Facebook friend invitation from someone who said,  “Hey, Kathy. Your blog is really fine. I spent some good times in the UP, and saw the lights once up in the Porkies. John.”  

Wait a minute!  Forget everything I just said!  Facebook is great…Facebook is great… Facebook is…  Well, just like all of us.  Relationships are complicated.

About Kathy

I live in the middle of the woods in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. Next to Lake Superior's cold shores. I love to blog.
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204 Responses to Facebook, we’ve got issues…

  1. Glad I just came across your blog – Upper Peninsula North Woods sounds like a pretty fantastic place to be. Your post today spoke to me because I’m honestly considering breaking up with Facebook….at the very least I think we need to do some couples counseling! 🙂

  2. holessence says:

    Kathy – I don’t know why, can’t give you any firm explanation, but I just can’t bring myself (yet) to set up a Facebook account. I’ve heard lots of good things. And I’ve heard lots of bad things. My editor at the Writers’ Institute, UW-Madison says that I MUST set up a Facebook profile as nother part of my “platform.” Hmmmm ….. You’ve given me so much more to think about.

    • Emma says:

      As a platform, it would be a wonderful, albeit temptingly-time-sucking, outlet for publicisizing your writing, but if you actually want to use Facebook to “socialize,” don’t do it! There are plenty of alternatives to catching up with people.

  3. P.S. – Happy to be a new subscriber too.

    • Michelle says:

      Loved the blog, Kathy. I agree with your letter to Mr. Book. I would have to add that I spend entirely too much time with him. I have a slight addiction problem going on and I would have to say that is my biggest complaint …but I guess that isn’t his fault!

      Loving You,

      Michelle (ayla)

  4. jeffstroud says:

    Kathy,
    What a wonderful handle on your relationship with facebook! Humor mixed with truth, your truth, stirred in with confusion of the workablity of facebook friendship and connections.
    Yes Laurie there is a sense of using Facebook as a platform to expand our creativity, connecting with artist and healers, that I would never ever meet or connect with.

    I am Love, Jeff

  5. Barbara says:

    I hear you Kathy, I’ve got the same mixed feelings. Most of the time I prefer the exchanges on blogs, sometimes it seems Facebook is only good for small talk and lacks a format for in-depth conversation, as you point out. Kind of like Twitter with games and pictures…

    But I love the Scrabble feature, and enjoy the chats during those games with my relatives, chats that would probably bore everyone else. I was so glad when you showed me how to turn off the endless notices from everyone else’s games!!!

    What has been my experience is that when I do connect with an old long lost friend through Facebook, we wind up sending private emails back and forth and don’t use it to stay connected. And since getting connected still seems to happen once in a while, I stay. For now…

  6. Your daughter is a smart girl. But, I would be interested in what would be the perfect facebook, it clearly is not myspace. There are about 300 social network sites out there. I have looked at maybe 50, some are soooo crazy, some are just a forum for advertising peoples businesses, some are specifically arts related and so on. Each one has it’s pros and cons. Then there’s Meetup which put’s the face to face interaction back into life, still has it’s pros and cons. You inspire me to write a blog asking people what would be the ideal social network for them, gather all the ideas together an create my own…ooops gatta go… my virtual plants need watering (just kidding)(it makes it’s own point though)

    The real reason I am here though is you are a great writer, creative and clever, obviously very intelligent. I come to Lake Superior… Upper Peninsula North Woods form time to time, to here what this complete STRANGER has to teach me. I have always injoyed wordpress, it’s a great place to go when you have finished that last book and you havent had time to get to Barns and Noble. I am new to blogging myself on wordpress, I have only been a blogger voyeur up untill now. Back to the reason I am here I have decided to subscribe to some of my favorites, prior to this I have just bookmarked…Today it’s you – Hope you’ll have me!

  7. alaskanott says:

    my husband is a yooper!!!

    • enlightened.thinker says:

      I hear ya…but it will never be Gaia…it just is what it is…and I have accepted that…but have ranted myself before…so totally understand!

      🙂

  8. slamdunk says:

    Good post. Other than giving me the opportunity to reconnect with persons I have lost track of over 20 years, I see no value in FB.

  9. kathusitalo says:

    You said it!

  10. Sidhanth says:

    Facebook does do that to people, the ones who arent tagged in photographs feel a kind of alienation which was unintended.

    Awesome blog post. 🙂

  11. I like Facebook. I even cheated on my Myspace with it and eventually realized that Facebook was the one I wanted to be with. It’s done nothing but good things for me, always dependable and changing for the better. Facebook has opened new doors for me while still allowing me to keep as much as my privacy as I would like. No love-hate relationship here- that would have been Myspace. Bleech.

  12. Rachel says:

    I loved your blog, but I have to say I don’t really agree. I know that I actually talk (more often) with a small number of my friends. But I love to look at the pictures, read somethings that may be part of thier lives, and when the time comes, make a comment or two. If people are looking for Facebook to be a life changing occurance, then sadly mistaking is what they are. If they look at Facebook for what it is, a SOCIAL NETWORKING site…then there is no couples therapy needed. Sorry just my 2 cents worth. Facebook and I are together and happy….

  13. hey this is a great summary of my experience with facebook, i pretty much will be deleting my own personal profile and keep the other that really is about an interest….the friends and family pretty much just really sit there and talk to others, so whats the use of carrying on this non-existent virtual relationship with old high school mates i was happy to come across and with family that are all caught up in their own lives. The only thing that has come out of this facebook experience is that i realize i had far too much time on my hands prying into the little parts of peoples lives through their pictures and focusing less on my own. Loved it. Lived it. Now it’s time to move on.

    Loved your article.

  14. melanirae says:

    Facebook is like that boy/girl friend that you really wish would change, but you know never will. Give up. Accept or break-up.

  15. Kavya says:

    Good one 🙂

    Apparently wordpress thinks your post is simialr to http://vogonosphere.wordpress.com/2010/05/14/information-overload/

  16. Karin says:

    A month ago I did a Facebook project and didn’t log in for an entire week. I found myself less stressed, but had no idea what was going on with my family and friends, as none of them communicate any other way than Facebook. I MISSED IT. I would love to actually get off it, but then I won’t ever talk to my family and friends again. My husband is highly agaisnt Facebook, saying your real friends and family will contact you not using Facebook if they actually care….he doesnt have an account. Yet I still wonder….should I get off anyway??

    • my husband had a profile too, he just deleted his….he wanted to for a long time, but the hair that broke the camels back was…he made three new posts so i could see, i didnt and he was mad because he had seen where i’d been on anyway, truly i had but i didnt check his page or the wall to see updates so i missed it and he was hurt; more so because he’s deployed overseas….bottom line we got into a serious fight about what and who’s important and honestly staying away from facebook makes me less anxious too……..so i’m officially breaking up with facebook……..soon

  17. I actually feel just the opposite. I actually have gotten closer and been able to stay in contact with tons of people that I have met over the years (I used to travel alot) who I would otherwise would just drift apart from. Great blog though, well written and honest. 🙂

  18. izziedarling says:

    Ha – good. I broke up with Face Book ten days after we met. CREEPY men friends of MY PARENTS made CREEPIER COMMENTS so I was outta there.

  19. janet says:

    Heh! One good thing about FB is it prompts me to visit your blog 🙂

    Love you!

    ~ Janet

  20. Heather says:

    lol–even on facebook we can’t escape the perils of social ‘in’security 🙂 . What a fun blog.

  21. There are so many things that a person could say and truthfully many of them have been touched on already, but in short the internet is both a very useful and dangerous tool. We feel as if we are interacting with others, but truthfully we are just plugged in to our screens. And the screens just keep getting bigger and bigger. Soon mine will take up an entire wall and if I really get lucky I’ll have screens on three walls and then one day I will see a film based on a novel called Fahrenheit 451 and will almost be touched by the irony, but not really…I guess that being a writer makes me appreciate the more tangible (now if I could only find people who still read books-j/k)

    • indigo45fly says:

      Except now we’re reading books on screens via e-readers!

    • well i do, i started because i needed the quiet….technology is out of control and we’re all just cash machines for inventors and advertisers…..time to get back to the basics ya’ll

      • Armie says:

        Agreed. In fact, I converted my “personal” account into convincing others to check if their livers still function properly or if they still have “real” neighbours around them. Hahaha.

  22. mct88 says:

    kathy, very well said. i’ve deactivated my facebook actually and contemplating starting it up but have read 2 other articles that really hinder me from doing so and now i’m adding this one because this is exactly how i feel. so unless compelled otherwise i’ll just stay on my blog because then the people who care will read and the people who don’t will not!

  23. Nuri says:

    Considering Facebook was originally meant as a Uni/College-based site, I think it’s awesome in that sense. In the first few weeks of starting Uni, it was a vital way to check people’s names and match them to faces!

    I’m agreed with you on the Facebook-alienates point. There’ve been loads of times when I’ve had work to do, and you see all these posts online about all this fun other people are having without you. It can really make you feel left out. I think the problem lies with the privacy settings and the news feed. It wasn’t this stalky a couple of years ago before they changed it all. The news feed makes you a stalker just by signing in.

    The trick, I’ve learnt, is to limit the time you spend on it. As mentioned above, it’s easy to get addicted to it. Too much is bad, but it’s also pretty useful for meeting new people/consolidating friendships and it’s awesome when used in small doses.

    Figured this news story would interest you. May 31st is delete-your-fb-day.

    You letter is awesome by the way :]
    -Nuri

  24. Charlotte says:

    Well I couldn’t agree more with you more.
    I had very similar issues with FB and now well I just accepted it for what it is.

  25. Gloriadelia says:

    When I updated my status on FB yesterday, I announced I was joining the May 31st exodus, but I’m reconsidering today.

    How will I see my family’s pictures, talk to my nephew in Iraq, advertise my new blog posts?

    But, Facebook has changed in some unappealing ways (old classmates are no longer easy to find, for instance, and the privacy concerns)

    So, I agree with you, I like/don’t like you, Facebook. Sincerely, Gloris

  26. J.R. LeMar says:

    I’ve pondered some of these very questions that you raise. On the one hand, social networking sites like Facebook (& Myspace before that) have opened up the world to me, and I love that. I’ve had the opportunity to communicate with folks from all walks of life, all across the globe, But I also wonder if, in a way, all these “closeness” is just a mask for for being more disconnected in our real lifes? I’ve spent more time talking to some of my online friends, most of whom I will never meet in person (although I have had the opportunity to meet a few and, with one exception, it’s always been a pleasant experience), than I do talking to my coworkers and neighbors. I once spent about 3 hours talking on the phone to one of my online friends who lives in Amsterdam (I’m in America), but I haven’t talked that much to the man who lives next door to me. It’s odd, when I think about it.

  27. Karin says:

    I found this information when thinking of leaving Facebook…who knows what will come of it.
    http://karinwontstoptalking.wordpress.com/2010/05/15/all-this-buzz-about-what/
    It’s a new social networking site called diaspora. (Sorry to add this on here, I can’t seem to locate where I posted earlier.)

  28. Gerry says:

    I think FB is a great way to drop in on my son’s life and see what his friends are up to. Not such a good way to keep up with my friends, who strongly prefer to pick up the phone and talk to me–usually about something they wouldn’t care to post on FB anyway.

    So I don’t go there much unless I have a little time on my hands and feel like seeing what the younger set are up to.

  29. Raul says:

    Great article…Very very funny and interesting. So so true what you said. I got off facebook last year. I have been facebook free for a whole year now!! Honestly…I have not missed it a bit. I started to realize I was living my life for everyone else on facebook, instead of for me. When I would take a picture I would wonder if it would look good on facebook. Now, I just enjoy everything and never worry about what pics I take. I see the world through my own eyes. Yes, you compromise talking to old friends, but you know what, your true friends stay in contact with you no matter what.

    http://www.wutevs.wordpress.com

  30. Abby says:

    I both love and hate facebook too! I keep thinking I will delete it, but can’t quite bring myself too…

  31. Seymour says:

    Beautiful and brilliant! I quit Facebook just two weeks ago and am enjoying re-establishing proper relationships with people in place of stalking their profiles. We need to claim the word “friend” back. It has been useful for getting back in touch with a handful of people but now I am back in touch with them, I don’t need it any more. I like the way you wrote this, though, and you are right “relationships are complicated” – Well written post, I liked it – cheers 🙂

  32. P.j. grath says:

    You’re too funny, Kathy. My main reason for keeping a Fb account is to keep in “Howdy” kind of touch with nephews and grandchildren in their 20s who almost never managed to write me a private e-mail, let alone a stamped, mailed letter. Last night one nephew and I chatted on Fb. Only a dozen remarks or so, back and forth, but it felt like a real connection. Most of my “friends,” though? You’re right, we are in each other’s lists but rarely communicate. That makes me think, though–what else is new? Isn’t it like people with whom we only exchange cards at holidays? But we wouldn’t want to lose that slight annual “keeping in touch,” would we?

  33. danclair says:

    it’s so true that facebook can disconnect you from other people! especially for people who have it on their iphones, or droids, or blackberries or whatever. you can become completely isolated from all the people sitting 3 feet away from you while you “connect” with everyone on the whole internet. eesh…

    nice blog, by the way 🙂

  34. Loved the “epistle” to Mr. Book…

    Relationships ARE very complex, what would make ours with Mr. Book any different?

    I truly enjoyed your writing style! You have a new Fan!

  35. GraceKay says:

    Cute post. I usually forget to go on my facebook and then I have people who want to be my friend on facebook, they say they know me, but I can’t remember them from Adam. I must be old now. 🙂

    It’s just not what I thought it would be. I suppose I could try harder.

  36. Jim Hagen says:

    One question. Did you have a life before Facebook came along? If yes, you might want to spend more time in that world than on FB.

  37. suziwine says:

    Hi Kathy, I read all the comments and have to add my two cents. My husband and I have moved all over the country and met lots of people along the way, through facebook it has enabled me to look up and connect with people I otherwise would not have any contact with. I have friended all my nieces and nephews who are in New York and Missouri, there are no long conversations just tidbits of info which makes it nice just watch whats going on with everyone. Yup what P.J.grath said.

  38. Scattered Rayn says:

    Dear Kathy
    I’m glad this isn’t Facebook because after reading your post and finding your blog I am tempted to add much more than a “snippet”. You just about summed up and expressed my relationship with “Mr Book” perfectly… I have had a profile for years and quite like the ideology behind it, yet when it comes to practical application… ugghh, I just don’t know.

    I really enjoyed how you wrote it and found it quite fun how you managed to somehow turn the tables a bit, so I got to see myself from the other side as well… the one that is aware that dislike very often comes from a mismatch between expectations and reality *chuckles*

    Thanks for sharing!!!
    Rayn
    (www.scatteredrayn.wordpress.com – I feel weird signing with this, but at the same time also feel weird not doing it. Like I’m just lurking or something *chuckles*)

  39. Susan D says:

    Well said, Kathy Lady … all of it. Amazing job of capturing all the positives and the negatives of Mr. Book. (Have to admit, belly laughed to tears over that one … “Mr. BooK”). Your unique ability to delight will find me “chasing you anywhere.” Here, or on Mr. Book.

    No pokes, but definitely a virt. hug!

    Susan

  40. lunaleska says:

    Awesome blog!! But I agree about the love hate relationship, not just with FB, but with technology. Sure when you wanna talk you can just push a button. But now you have to check your fb, phone, MySpace, Twitter, e-mail, blog. Just to see what your friends are up to. I’m 18 and loving FB, but I just wonder why the incredible awesome art of sending out invitations has gone, now you just create an event on FB. Or where a letter in the mail has gone. Do kids my age actually KNOW the joy of finding a letter in the mail, meant just for you. Hours taken by someone to write YOU a letter…. So sad!

  41. awesome post. I share in your feelings towards Mr. Book

  42. cindi says:

    First time reader, now I subscribe….I must be easy. You had me at Facebook…that said, your blog reads like a comfortable book. Going to lurk (read) backwards and see what other great morsels you’ve written.

    By the way, I saw myself in your post…yep I fit right here;

    “A large group of us become stalkers–peering into the lives of people we thought were close–never saying a word. And that’s probably because we can’t think of one-liners to condense our sentiments! Or who knows why we don’t say anything? Perhaps we have TOO many friends on Facebook and are now rendered completely overwhelmed.”

    But I do use FB to promote my designs and blogs. But there are days when I really wonder why I bother, then I remember it all began b/c I wanted to keep an eye on my teens using FB and then the rock slide began.

  43. michelle says:

    more people use facebook as a distraction, than to truly connect.
    personally i’m interested in more substantial activities and relationships.

    i’ve long used faecbook to keep up with the teenagers in my life and for that i think it’s great, especially when the fly off to college in other states.

    in the past 18(?) months there seems to have been a wave of adults discovering the site. i’ve about doubled my friends list friending long lost relatives and folks who i rarely see irl.

    i was looking forward to interacting with them once again using this new format. however, instead i’ve been shocked at how they seem to do nothing but play farmville and mafia and take self-defining quizzes.

    oh well, it has been illuminating, a little window into their personalities, and it didn’t cost me a thing. 🙂

  44. pierce says:

    i love face book it is the best online social network out there

  45. Think how different the world would be if all the time spent blathering on Facebook were spent volunteering at nursing homes, hospices, homeless shelters, etc.

  46. Lucienne says:

    Ho Kathy, interesting blog. I like the way you did it like a letter.

    Personally I dont have a struggle with FB at all. I dont write too many notes there and if I do I post a notice on my profile as well so the friends that weren’t tagged can read it too if they’re interested.
    To me it’s not so much a blogging site, to me it’s more about fun , a quick exchange with people and playtime too.

    When I want to dive deeper with friends I can do that thru PM or other sites. For example i still feel very connected with living Metaphysics.

    But it is interesting that I did get closer with some of my gaia friends on FB because of the chat function.

    At the same time I dont have to be “spiritual correct ” all the time on FB, which can be fun as well as a relief ha..ha!

    Ah well I guess I dont take it all that serious really, more like playtime.

    Hugs,
    Lucienne

  47. Facebook is like a knife, depend on how you use it. I love facebook. Your post is great.

  48. Oh Kathy…. I am laughing and enjoying your letter to Facebook and celebrating your wordpress front page coverage. Someone has to take on the big guys… I am so please that it is you. I can so relate to your Facebook issues:)

  49. You made it again — Freshly Pressed (and then some) — my hat’s off to you Kathy! Whoohoo, you go, girl!

  50. Johngocambs says:

    Really good article Kathy. Especially liked the letter styling that you adopted

  51. kiz75 says:

    great post. exactly what happens. you can LOOSE friends with facebook. they’re on there, but they are simply out of your life.
    oh hey, no button to share this on facebook ?! .. lol

  52. DM says:

    “Like”

    You know what’s funny, I blogged about some of my angst w/ facebook as well the other night.

  53. Angelia Sims says:

    Facebook was much easier once upon a time, but don’t tell anyone because they will think I have been on there too long to know any better.

    True story- A friend unfriended me because I didn’t talk to him regularly.
    Whoops! I felt really bad.

    Great post. Loved seeing it on the Freshly Pressed. Congrats. 🙂

  54. Facebook…, what’s this?…, a book, but for me it’s a book of friends all over the globe.

  55. Luckily, through facebook, I find my long lost friend.

  56. colin L beadon says:

    Facebook is a synthetic friendship. Emails like letters should be an upwelling of feeling, prompting you to write to a friend, something deep from your heart. Facebook is a hubbub of constant everyday gabble. Maybe that is all some people want, or need, or the best they know how to convey.

  57. stokely says:

    I left Facebook once through peer pressure…but then that particular source of pressure disappeared and I found I wanted to be friends with FB yet again. Now that I’m on it on my own terms, I feel better. You just have to use it for what it’s worth, and you have to get some good pictures of yourself on it, so you can admire your photos from time-to-time. I find it’s a good source of creating your own lovely little world.

  58. Barbara Kass says:

    Just add me to this long list of fans, Kathy! What a riot. I am happy to say that I never have been on Facebook (although I get quite a few smarmy invitations . . . some from people I have only met once!).

  59. Love your blog. Totally agree with you!! Facebook is COMPLICATED. But I’ve never really thought about it that way. It’s so… Facebook.

    -TheBookSniffer. http://thebooksniffer.wordpress.com/

  60. Daniel says:

    I rarely deleve in to the freshly pressed area of wordpress but. now that I have read this gem of a post I think I will grab my virtual snorkel and a spare air canister and swim a little deeper. thank you Kathy

  61. englistics says:

    The questions raised by this blog about the purpose and rationale for having a relationship with Facebook are part of a much boarder discussion which encapsulates the preserving of identity and personal reputation management.

    The question “how is your information currently being used?” must be looked at with a 360 degree tilt. The additional questions that should be quickly shaken out would be “how has my information been used in the remote past?” and “how is my information going to be used and by whom in the future?”

    Most people don’t even think about there personal information being of any value, unless it is financially oriented, they just see it as commonplace especially if they feel they have nothing to hide. That is until someone shows them that through the limited information provided by Facebook and Twitter that those wishing to do harm can begin the process of cloning your identity and creating a new fiancial profile for you.

    Then there is another pressing issue: how do we set about protecting our personal reputation online when others have so much information to share about us? This will become an increasingly important issue for adults of all ages over time, but especially for the young teenagers who seemingly circulate very personal information about themselves without any sense of reservation.

    Because Generation Z is so casual with the information that they place on social media sites, it is possible that most of their important details are could already in the public domain. This would mean that the current generation will be the first to live their lives totally under the data microscope and also be subject to “Trial By Google” by anyone who has a reason or the inclination to do so.

    This information quandary is particularly well expressed by the InfoWoRes blog project http://wp.me/pTO00-k

    And is extensively covered in the discussion about facebook at http://www.businessinsider.com/well-these-new-zuckerberg-ims-wont-help-facebooks-privacy-problems-2010-5

  62. Dear Kathy and all other Readers,
    This is a great, humorous blog. I understand that your write-up is for sharing your emotions regarding this social-networking site. Believe me, there is not a conversation with a friend/family/acquaintance that goes by without one mention of FB. However, you missed out on a huge point for which you should NOT like FB currently. I have been a FB user since the first year it was developed. Thus, I have seen all of the changes FB has gone through in the last 6 years. What I have noticed is that the regular end-user (about 90% of all FB users) does not understand the scary, greedy implicit changes FB has made recently.

    You should be more concerned about who can easily get a hold of your information and the things they can do with this information to ruin your life.

    I have given FB 6 years of my life and cannot depart with it so easily. Also, I run my business from FB. However, I am reconsidering what I should do with all of my personal pictures and information.

    Please check out this link if you would like to be more educated about what is really going on with FB.

    http://www.computerworld.com/s/article/9177091/More_than_half_of_Facebook_users_may_quit_site_poll_finds

    Nimisha
    (I am a girl in tech, living in SF).

    PS If you have any questions regarding social networking sites, please do not hesitate to contact me!

  63. Tri says:

    I thought I was the only one going through this issue. Thank you for verbalizing the fb saga. Congrats on Freshly Pressed!

  64. liac333 says:

    I’ve never been in a relationship with facebook, and I never plan on being in one:)

  65. marcys says:

    I “shared” your blog post on my page, and I’m sure many other people will do the same. You will soon be very famous on Facebook. Which you deserve: what you say is right on (or to use today’s trendy phrase, spot on).

  66. Pingback: Facebook, we’ve got issues… « My Buddy

  67. and this one, i’ve got three close friends, one day, we hanged around together. then we sat on a bench near to our campus. we sat there for about 24 minutes. we didn’t say a word. we kept silence. we were bussy with our own facebook. we’re so near, so close that time, but we’re so far apart. in fact, we’re not near with anybody. we’re still far away with everyone.
    does it happen to someone else?

  68. this is a great post – you really deserved your spot on freshly pressed.
    FOR: FB keeps me in touch with a network of people all over the country (and Australia is a big country),
    AGAINST: but I’d much rather talk face to face with the people who live in my town.
    FOR: On the other hand we have community networks and projects with FB pages and it is a very quick way to find out what’s going on.
    AGAINST: On the subject of intimacy – FB is not the place.
    FOR: On the subject of privacy – anyone who thinks they have any is living in a dream.
    AGAINST: I have felt bullied on FB, though the other person didn’t see it that way.

    Your words are food for thought. It’s definitely love hate with me.

  69. Rivertrekker says:

    Hey! You made the front page again(freshly pressed),Congrats! LOL

  70. barb says:

    I was thinking of a divorce from Facebook but then I realized we could just have a separation and nobody would care one way or the other.

  71. rltj says:

    I’m not in Facebook and the idea to be there keeps nagging me. After reading you, I think I am right not to be there. I love blogging, make comments once in a while, simply interacting with people.

    But sometimes i felt I ought not have commented at all. That’s when looking back at them, I saw possibilities of being misunderstood because a few lines I made need chapters or whole books to be satisfactorily understood.

    Nice, I think now that I am more right not to be in facebook.

  72. You wrote what I was thinking but did not realize I was thinking it. Thanks 😉

  73. elmer says:

    This I have observed too >>>I have a sneaking suspicion that SOMETIMES Facebook makes us less close to our friends and family.

  74. Jason Baker says:

    What an amazing read! Thanks! It sure helps to read ones own thoughts on facebook published on a blog, which is now monitored & subscribed to by yours truly… 😉

  75. batikmania says:

    I like it. Like the way you wrote it. Let me just be your friend in wordpress. Will visit your blog once in a while 😉

  76. mallice says:

    good post, langauge…..but they have limits….

  77. I gotta say, it’s nice to see someone talk about facebook issues BEYOND the privacy rights issue. Don’t get me wrong, it’s an important issue but my eyes and ears can’t handle anymore ranting on the subject.

    A big mahalo for taking a fresh look at other facebook issues.

  78. miketvri says:

    when you were part of the original “facebook” group (that collection of colleges and universities), have spent 1/4 of your life, and 100% of your adult life, as a member of facebook… it shapes the way you view and interact with the world – for better or worse.

    it is what it is.

  79. Jw says:

    good early morning read! I had a simililar conversation with my kids recently. In my opinion the issue is that FB shows all relations as ‘friends’ which are all of the same level. In real life, they are not. Also, the meaning of the word ‘friend’ is quite different per country and culture.

    Facebook is great to stay in touch with far-away-friends. I feel much closer to them now.

  80. My account has been closed since 2008; and I have never been happier online since then. Considering this sort of posts I see online everytime, I don’t think most people will continue to see their private details circulating online.

  81. hames1977 says:

    i had my reservations on opening up an account on FB. my family and friends are pushing me to do it but for now, i decline. i am happy with my current statu of being able to express myself in writing, unruffled by the fad. even if i only had a handful of readers who truly reads my blog.

    a time will definitely come when another social networking site takes the trend and FB is old, then there is “switching mode” again. and the cycle goes on. i think, people are missing the point, it is not by the numbers of friends you had on your list.

    but it is on few and select friends, who stick with you, no matter what. and spending great deal of time and effort to check you out.

    and besides, who has the luxury to keep up and maintain that number of connections in the web, 24/7? without being trapped to the feeling of “just keeping up”.

    and i think, time should be spent into something that adds value to life. something of a worthy cause and much more meaningful endeavor, not just glued to the screen, sitting there and merely “wasting time”.

    just my personal thought on this.

  82. Haha, you’ve got such great humor in talking about the Facebook stuff which all of us should really re-evaluate about what we do everyday fall in love with this guy. Love it keep going! : ) I bet many of us just simply spend time playing with this guy but it seems that we’d never consider our relationship with it whether it worths or not…

  83. Pat says:

    Well, not forgetting lot of people alienated the real world by obsessively playing FB games! A social platform, did you say?

  84. Kris says:

    What facebook is best for and what I mainly use it for is to reconnect with old friends… I think it does serve a purpose for bringin people together

  85. Victoria says:

    Kathy –

    Fantastic post! I couldn’t agree more! I have several issues with facebook too…My latest issue is the constant changes. Just as soon as I get used to the way everything works – it’s different.
    A love/hate relationship indeed!

    -V.

  86. Marie says:

    I’ve already broken up with Facebook, and I’m seventeen. It seems so pointless.

  87. indigo45fly says:

    This is a very timely post for me. I was just telling my mom the other day (who is not on FB and does not intend to be), that I felt being on FB has just given me one social quandary after another. If I don’t friend someone from my past – who I’d rather not catch up with – will our mutual friends be upset at me? Will the husband of a friend who I barely know complain to his wife that I friended her but not him and then she’ll be upset at me? What exactly is the purpose of this site? Why would I share family photos and comments that I just got my hair done or went stargazing, with people I don’t know? When I first got on, I thought it would be a good way to reconnect with people, and initially, I did have that good experience. One of my good friends told me she views FB like going to a party. You go in, mingle for a bit, talk about this and that, and then leave. I thought that was a great analogy, so I tried that for a while. However, now the party has become a convention and I never talk to the people on the other side of the hall. I’ve now got a friend request from relatives from a side of the family I don’t have that much contact with. I would love to be able to catch up, but his profile lists all the rest of the relatives. I can see the snowfall effect now. Since I can’t keep up with who’s on my current profile, I don’t want to disappoint and alienate people that I haven’t really talked to before anyway, so I haven’t confirmed the request yet. I’ve thought about just emailing my cousin who contacted me, explaining that I don’t really use FB anymore. I’ve also thought about just deleting my profile and being done with it. Arghhh.

  88. skinneejay says:

    An excellent review of Facebook. What can I say, you raised a lot of points without becoming one-sided. Excellent. I love this place.

    As for Facebook, I wonder 1) How did it become so big? (That’s a Nine Inch Nail line, oh) and 2) When will it move to the position of MySpace?

    I prefer Last.fm. Last.fm is excellent.

  89. flandrumhill says:

    Well Kathy, you know how I feel about this one. Facebook and I parted ways la week ago and I have no regrets. I agree with all you have to say here, except for that last paragraph 😉 I think relationships are simple but technology and our need to organize everything and everyone is what makes them more complicated than they have to be.

    Your friend (but not on Facebook),
    Amy-Lynn

    PS Congratulations yet again on being freshly pressed. Neat! 🙂

  90. BLOSSOM says:

    I enjoyed reading you blog>_<

  91. therainhouse says:

    I have to say, I love your header!
    You’re witty.. It’s true, FB does get to us sometimes.

  92. Cindy Lou says:

    I certainly can’t add anything that hasn’t already been said – congrats, sweetie, on making the front page again! 🙂

  93. ylbnoel says:

    awesome blog ! everyone and his mother, I think, can relate ! kudos.

  94. Great thoughts on the whole facebook thing. I deleted my account last week. No more worrying about that privacy issues/settings I need to change this week. No friendship with friends I lost track of 20 years ago and when I found them again other than “Hi” we didn’t communicate any more now than we did in the last 20 years.

  95. daveforex says:

    Hi,

    I’ve never liked FB, nor any one of those social time wasters anyway. This post further strengthens my conviction that social networking is just a pretty waste of time.

    Come to think of it, we are supposed to be rational beings, but it’s so funny how we often forget that ONE DAY we’ll be required to give detail accounts of how we spend the time God alloted to us.

    So what are you gonna tell Him? “Oh! God I spent approximately ’10 years’ chatting away with friends on FB, spent another ’20 years’ playing useless games, etcetera.

    Common people think about all those precious time you’re wasting. I’m out.

  96. Jessica says:

    This is a great blog. I really enjoyed reading this post.

  97. jabanet says:

    You put that so perfectly.

  98. Tristan says:

    I think a bigger issue is using Internet Explorer…

    😛

  99. Colleen Lloyd says:

    Oh my goodness Kathy, in the words of my dad…what a kettle of fish you’re opened up here!!
    And congratulations:)

  100. Tara Aarness says:

    Absolutely agree with you, Kathy! What a great blog and I’m off to read more of your work. 🙂

  101. Tammy McLeod says:

    Great essay Kathy. I enjoy the way you explore the virtues or lack there of – of facebook. I’ll be back to read more.

  102. bookjunkie says:

    This is so brilliant. you took the words right out of my mouth 🙂

  103. Calla Gold says:

    Fabulous blog entry. You just picked what I wanted to read about and wrote it. How did you do that? Did Facebook tell you that’s what I wanted?
    Are you just psychic that way?
    Anyway loved it!

  104. Jahriel says:

    Couldn’t have put it better myself…I’ve endured such silent anguish over Facebook, recognizing its imperfect sense of real life and community, yet realizing (alas) that it is simply a technologically-based virtual text-based reality, and is very likely doing the best it can.

    As a matter of fact, I canceled my FB account, then got overly curious about some of my once-actual-now-virtual friends’ statuses and made the mistake of logging back in just one more time (my account still existed, waiting patiently for my inevitable return). Now an error message returns when I try to quit the account again… :/

    Prosperity & Peace.

  105. sylwilson says:

    Love this post! Facebook is so my love of my life and also my biggest enemy. You put it in words in a way that was funny and oh so true!

  106. Dawn K says:

    You have ONE HUNDRED and FIFTEEN comments???? and counting…!!!!

  107. MoSop says:

    Thanks for vocalizing what thousands of us feel about “The Face”. 😉

  108. nardeeisms says:

    Deactivated my fb profile the other day. No regrets. Love this post!

  109. this made me smile! I have been feeling the exact same way lately. I actually deleted my facebook about three weeks ago and have felt great! 🙂

  110. Marianne says:

    Great post, Kathy! You’ve expressed sentiments that I myself have also thought about since opening a facebook account in November. I particularly like your comment about “ready to divulge anything” because sometimes I feel “naked” when I blah, blah about my life. In fact, I was thinking about renaming my blog from Grandeurvision to Marianne Exposes Herself.

  111. arbiyanti says:

    Wonderful letter you have here, Kathy. i like it! anyway, i had a nice peaceful 3-months when i deactivated my Facebook. when my friends said that they missed me in FB, i said “we can always write e-mails or write more blogs! we used to do that. we were fine before FB came along. why would we change it!”. now, i’m not deleting my account, i’m not de-activating it, ‘m just back to FB to put sign ‘please, do not disturb!’

  112. Jessica says:

    LOL I use mine for mostly games. Although Facebook has done wonders for me remembering birthdays.

  113. shellypolly says:

    OMG! You made MY DAY! As soon as I started reading this I went to my FACEBOOK SETTING and EDITED! What that brought that up was when you said “See, I won’t say anything on you that can’t be written on a billboard and posted on US-41.” That got me thinking THEY KNOW TO MUCH! Certain things I kept but all the rest was GONE within a few MINUTES! I hope we can be co-bloggers. I LOVE this blog! Keep it up 🙂

  114. p90x says:

    you put that perfectly! i like Good

  115. keynar says:

    So So TRUE, I like and hate it at the same time. And it’s making you getting closer to your friends and family, but also makes you feel distant at the same time. Great Post.

  116. Raychela says:

    I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. I can totally relate to many of the things said here in your blog post!

  117. Matt says:

    Bahaha.

    I’ve got to say if it wasn’t for facebook I’d rarely- if ever- chat with my friends. It’s just the fastest method of doing it you know?

    I hate chatting on the mobile, texting is fine but annoying for a longer than 3 line back and forth…

    Facebook is just so simple and *le sigh* The other woman in my life is a facebook.

  118. skinneejay says:

    After reading some comments regaridng social networks: They work a whole lot better when they revolve around a certain topic. Look at Last.fm or RottenTomatoes. Using these social networks almost borders on necessary if you want to be immersed in that certain subject.

  119. florb63 says:

    I definitely hear you. Facebook is taking over our lives. And that’s why I quit- yes, I quit Facebook. It was hard, but somehow I survived. I think you should consider it too, Kathy, at least for a bit. The freedom is refreshing.

  120. lafriday says:

    I joined Facebook 14 months ago to email the 18-year old daughter of a long long friend in England, whom I DID reconnect with outside of FB. Until 2 weeks ago, had successfully NEVER written on anyone’s wall and had only let 4 other friends in and ignored about 35 requests of people I knew peripherally or not at all. Then to combat a 40th reunion high school “issue” I launched a Facebook PAGE, a new blog, and FINALLY wrote on someone’s wall. Have since considered establishing a 12-step program for Facebook users! I get the dangerously addictive nature of this insidious beast! And yet, spoke for two hours yesterday to a “girl” I hadn’t seen in 45 years who had been like my little sister in my childhood neighborhood. I saw her name on Facebook and sent her an email. Like everything in life, you balance the good and the bad.

  121. The Yarn Project of Michael Leach says:

    I could not agree more over this. Facebook…love to hate it-hate to love it. I am very glad to have stumbled across your blog.

  122. shellypolly says:

    On the OTHER hand, Facebook IS the ONLY way to keep in touch with my FAMILY & Friends that live on the East coast (I live on the West coast).

  123. Is it time to delete my Facebook account? Or simply come to terms with what it is?

    I think for most people it’s time to decide one way or the other…the particular choice is not as important as just making a choice and sticking with it.

    “How dare this free, voluntary service not live up to my own personal, rigorous standards!”

    http://finallyhear.wordpress.com/2010/05/21/dont-judge-a-facebook-by-its-cover/

    Silly isn’t it?

    Insightful commentary, though. I enjoyed reading.

  124. lol. I like this !
    u know at first I loved facebook because I found old friends from high school, people I used to know.. it made me feel connceted. But now I agree with you. Alot of my friends basiclly add everyone they think they know just to show off and it helps with the gossip; u know where did sara go and who’s single and blah blah blah… Honestly I sign in whenever im bord to check and see whats new with people and what I have been missing..

  125. nardeeisms says:

    After reading subsequent comments posted, did I do the right thing by disabling my account? Yes indeedy! Absotively the right thing! I’ll just take the chance of running into my old friends at the occasional conference. Worked before.

    • shellypolly says:

      Not for me EVERYONE I know *went to school with, grew up with). Their all on the East coast and I’m really NOT a phone person. Just saying. I understand what you mean though.

  126. Great post, Kathy. I sent the link to a number of my friends.

    You were very kind to Mr. Book in not mentioning the privacy flip flops – where FB shares more and more and watches to see which decisions to rescind in the face of legal repurcussions or mass defections.

    I guess it’s plain old envelope pushing.

  127. killuminatiist says:

    Excellent post! Just subscribed 🙂

  128. Great article, exactly what most people think about facebook at the moment… Me thinks… Keep up the good work!

    Marty

  129. This post says everything! I have dropped off my FB addiction to only a few times a week…I used to get on EVERY day! I’ve noticed how it has changed over the year and a half that I have been on. I just don’t know if they are bored and feel the need to change every five minutes or what. If something’s not broken, why fix it?!

    Thanks for the post!

  130. This was interesting, I agree with lots of things you said. Definitely the stalking aspect of it, sometimes I spend hours just browsing through everyone’s pages, just out of boredom. It’s sad really. However if I didn’t have facebook, I’d miss out on a lot, so many events and last minute ‘get togethers’ are organised via facebook and I guess you just get used to going on facebook every day to be honest.
    Thanks ‘freshly pressed’ for directing me to this blog 🙂
    -Nichola

  131. achilliad says:

    Just “deactivated” second Facebook foray in the past two years three nights ago. It is totally useless IMHOP Some woman friended me whom I never met before, from half-way across the country – and I didn’t even have a picture with a face on it, I chose the “consellations” instead. Maybe they were really from half the galaxy away. Love/Hate relationship indeed. For me, Myspace and my wordpress blog is just fine.

  132. Diana says:

    I too have considered breaking up with Facebook. My mom however convinced me otherwise for the love our family. I have one stalker who checks up on me to make sure I’m a live. My father so I guess I shall keep it for now. Facebook needs a makeover and should listen to their followers though.

  133. Aunty Di says:

    Hi. It’s Aunty Di again. Trudie’s aunt from sunny SA and yes I still read your blog and love it. And how you have hit home with the whole Facebook issue. I too have done the stalking (I swore I would never stoop to that level), woe is me. I have been offended and offended others I’m sure. I broke it off with FB and have started a new relationship from scratch. Nobody but all of 6 people know I am back. Sister, sister-in-law, 2 x nieces, 1 x nephew and one very good friend. Facebook and I are now at peace with one another.

  134. Tiffany SeMaj says:

    This blog was hilarious! I was able to relate to mostly all situations!

  135. Cantanem says:

    good admin thanks

  136. Trudie says:

    Kathy, you really have the knack for writing posts that generate a lot of interest. Very interesting reading. I’ve not even read half the comments. It does not have much of a grey area does it? Either you like Mr Book, or you don’t. I think I keep things rather superficial and mostly use it for the games and advertising that I’ve written a new blog entry.
    It used to annoy me that over 80% of the people on my friends list never contact me… now I just could not be bothered. I am me. Like me or don’t. Your choice 🙂

  137. Zoey says:

    I totally know how you feel about Facebook! I, myself, the Facebook addict (or at least used to be), am thinking of telling Facebook that we are history. I have noticed that since I moved to another state from my friends (who told me that we were to keep in touch by Facebook) that we have grown far apart. I saw that my friends didn’t want me, and that they found other people to replace me. And I saw this all from Facebook. Facebook broke my heart.

    I love this post, by the way!

  138. Joey Chong says:

    I enjoyed every word you typed.
    It made me go “oh yeah, i remembered that!”

  139. shirosangel says:

    I comepletely agree!!! Excellent blog post! Keep it up!

  140. Becky Tuch says:

    Hi. I just found your blog post and thought it was great. I had just posted something similar at my blog, only mine is a definitive break-up letter! 🙂

    http://www.beyondthemargins.com/2010/05/17/dear-facebook-its-over/

  141. ollda97 says:

    This is great. The laugh I needed today. Relationships are complicated esp on facebook.

  142. Hahaha I think the cons outweight the benefits of it. Too much has changed and diaspora’s coming out soon enough…

  143. drfooms says:

    I believe the fly on your eye may be an apple maggot fly. Or worse, a horse fly. Anyway, great reading, keep thinking.

  144. Hahaha.. I enjoyed reading this for sure! 🙂

  145. Casie says:

    Absolutely love this blog! : )
    Made me smile because it is the truth~ haha

  146. xiaohui says:

    It probably never crossed my mind, but while reading this entry, I did too think of deleting my facebook account. I like how you brought up the stalker-peer-into-our-friend’s-lives issue that leaves us jumping into conclusions and frustrated that we THINK we are not as valued as the other hundreds of people on your facebook profile. It is a thin line to tread on, and I sure hope we learn to navigate our way through this sticky relationship with facebook! Here in Singapore we have teachers setting up two, or three, facebook accounts, just to try compartmentalize their lives into private and public, “for my family/friends” and “for my students”. It is the clearest evidence to support loving and hating this social networking tool. I really wonder how people can do that. Split personality, anyone?

  147. Isabel says:

    I am happy to see that suspicion of facebook’s influence on our friendships is gaining ground. However, your criticism is limited to: 1) making others feel ignored and 2) that your thoughts are too complicated to fit onto a little note or “what on your mind” post.

    I’d like to address #2 first. What would the author of a book have to say to WordPress.com? A blog is an extremely confined space in which to develop ideas and express thought. How can you criticize facebook for the same?

    As to #1: isn’t the real problem with facebook that it encourages friends to think interaction over the internet is an acceptable way of deepening relationship? In order for friendship to flourish, commitment to interaction in the same physical sphere is necessary. Communication isolated to words on a screen is weak communication, and creates an irremediable crutch to deepening relationship.

  148. Lulu says:

    amazing! how many people are there writing about Facebook? I just did too. I do love facebook at some point, but I have to be honest, facebook had once taken control over my life;I did not read news online as much as I did before, I did not focus on my work, and all that jazz. However I won’t delete my account there as well, because somehow I have family and friends far away. One thing I notice the downside of facebook- your friends don’t simply care anymore of chatting and talking with you,because they are busy playing games on facebook.
    But as lon as we can tolerate all these, I think facebook won’t take control over our lives. Just imagine the life before facebook existed!
    I enjoyed your writing
    Lu

  149. rajius says:

    Good post! I have some issues on facebook too.I keep going on with it just because my friends (almost all of them) love it very much and they regularly update their status, let me know things in their life I’ve missed. However, I rarely give comments – only for important things, and that’s why your post shot me. But I have no problems with no comment exists on my status either, so I decided that everyone should be able to choose how they treat friends through facebook. In my case, I believe my friends wouldn’t think so bad about me.

  150. Ray says:

    Yes! I agree with you completely! Like I like facebook, but at the same time hate it. The dilemma

  151. Hi there…
    Your blog is all what I have in mind re: facebook.
    2 thumbs UP!!!

  152. Pingback: Facebook, we’ve got issues… « Lake Superior Spirit | An About Face on Facebook

  153. Very insightful post…its wonderful how a social networking site can became so part of our daily life.

  154. Pingback: This post is not about Facebook. Mostly not about Facebook. « Lake Superior Spirit

  155. Kota says:

    I stalk my boyfriend on Facebook. And my boyfriends ex. Best thing ever.

    Bitter truths…

    Facebook helped me over come my relationship issue. My boyfriend had his “ex” come back on the scene. You know, the slutty ones that say “please give me another chance”. So here I am, stuck in between this.

    So, after some name pulling and listening, I secretly did a bit of FB stalking, found the ex’s profile. And, oh my god. Wow, that woke me up. The ex was super ugly, and seemed like a total dick!!!!!

    IF IT WASN’T FOR FACEBOOK, I don’t think I’d be feeling as good as I am.

    I’m a model, and a flight attendant. Attractive, and a really nice person. Facebook helped me to find the ex, get a real look, laugh and then choke.

    I was like: Chance or no chance, you can have that little sleeze.

    And now, I’m dumping my ex, walking out, picking up ready for a flight somewhere in the Pacific, and feeling extra dammmmmmn good.

    He he.

    p.s Did I mention.

    BEST FEATURE OF FACEBOOK TO RUB IT IN TO A BOYFRIEND, WHO IS A TOTAL LOSER.

    *** You get to upload GORGEOUS new profile photos of your self, to rub it in that mile extra.

    I did.

    Just yesterday.

    Phone has been ringing off the hook ever since.

    Hah, and I ain’t gona answer.

    LOVE YOU FB!!! XX

  156. ForumBoricua says:

    You are absolutely right. Facebook shortens the distance as long as you are not within line of sight. People that used to be close are now far and those who were far are now close but all in all you reach a point when you really don’t understand the point.

    I am closing my facebook account today. Not because of your post but because I am fed up with their policies.

  157. you voiced my thoughts better than I ever would and added considerations I missed, thanks for this

  158. lalapenafiel says:

    I used to be a web team intern. Before, I never considered the privacy issues in Facebook or anything. I barely visit my account. But when my boss told me about it, I considered canceling my account and divert my attention to blogging. However, the problem is, I’d lose my connections. Facebook is currently the networking site that most people use.

  159. Hillary says:

    Awesome post! And unfortunately […I think?], I’m also thinking of deleting my Facebook account. Sigh.

  160. pathume says:

    Nicely done. You’ve tapped into my ambiguous feelings about Facebook.

    I moved in the last couple of years, and it’s a handy way to keep in touch with my friends and former colleagues.

    But many times I feel left out, or at least a tad hurt when they don’t respond to something I have said.

    I’ve toyed with dropping my FB account, but I know that won’t happen.

    Instead I will read about others’ complaints, and grumble along with them.

    Cheers.

  161. Kathy says:

    Thank you to everyone who commented here! (I read every comment.) It sounds like my letter to Facebook resonated with lots of you. Glad to provide a forum where we could all share our thoughts and feelings about the benefits and limits of Facebook. Hope we all find ways of coming to terms with our ambivalence and reach a place of peace about our decisions. Thanks again for stopping by my blog.

  162. You probably already know this, Kathy, You are on “freshly pressed” or better your facebook blog is on freshly pressed.
    congratulations 🙂

  163. I think everyone has a love/hate relationship with Facebook. I totally share your sentiments about being connected with people that I would never talk to. Thank you for saying “What’s on your mind?”!

  164. Bravo! Well written! I also have a love and hate relationship with Facebook, but it always wins in the end. I will continue to read your blog. You are very creative. Love it! Please support my blog as well: http://www.buildingbridgesforyouthllc.wordpress.com.

  165. Armie says:

    Hahaha! Very very good! So enlightening! I also had this quarrel with Facebook recently and no one knows (well, now some of you will know) how it saddens me as well. I never said I hate Facebook actually. I also wanted to know what it is all about that I have to write about it. My mind dwells on soooooo many conclusions (one being us exhibited in some kind of research or something) and realized I need to stay by FB’s side and monitor its moves. Thanks for sending Facebook a letter. Hihi. Hope “it” reads this with “its” virtual eyes. 🙂

  166. Amy C says:

    I instinctively picked up on the parameters FB offers–the snippets format (as you aptly put it) sets clear limits on extended conversation, though the chat and message format permit that. And I’ve found it amazing to feel aware anew of the lives (and sometimes political and other views) of the people with whom I grew up but haven’t spoken with since our graduation.

    FB brings together different ‘publics’ in my life, and I like the way this challenges me to speak mindful of those differences.

    I understand the instinct to check to see how many people have responded to a status update–that old hunger for affirmation (even in the small frame possibilities offered here).

    But in status updates, I tend to do one of two things (or both): think of something to say that might strengthen neighborly connections, encouraging or highlighting some small thing that we might all notice or notice better (what it means that poppies often only grow by old neglected houses; asking for advice about how best to clean windows); or bearing witness to something (often of a political ilk, or speaking to an injustice). The latter can be done with attitude, or quietly . . .

    I am sure though that your posting speaks to the feelings of many people, and I love the epistolary format!

    • Armie says:

      “bearing witness to something (often of a political ilk, or speaking to an injustice)”

      I agree on this one. Somehow it’s a useful tool for information dissemination. However, most of the time I appear grumpy or simply killjoy depending on the receivers’ perspectives. Hahaha. So I opted to express my viewpoints through various media like links or videos, that “quiet” strategy. Hehe. And I agree with the assorted “publics” format. It is here where most grudges occur, that multi-dimensional Home Wall. We often dismiss the possibility that perhaps our own posts are the only posts that are making the big fuss on other people’s public walls. And this brings on the impressions.

      • Armie says:

        However, Madam, if you would allow me, I have a question. How would Facebook guarantee us of not leaking out our personal information, even if we do not punch in our security numbers, when there are “other” tangible data about us that could be used to track down our “security numbers” in any way possible? See, the irony?

  167. fotovita says:

    This is really true. Even I’m having a complicated relationship with FB. just removed most of my photos for privacy reasons and left some selected pics.;..It’s a great network site.. but still confused abt trusting my ‘friends’.

    Greetings,
    Kavita

  168. advenpearl says:

    Good one!!

  169. Zara says:

    You pretty much summed up my reasons for weening myself off FaceBook and then quitting it altogether!
    I was fed up with myself because most of the time I felt like some lonely stalker who had nothing better to do than troll through the pages of my “friends” – most of whom I wouldn’t say boo to in a crowded mall. And if anything, I felt more alienated from the real friendships I had. I felt in turmoil because I didn’t want to be rude by rejecting offers of friendship (I am one of those people who have a hard time saying, “No thanks”), and like one of your other readers said, it felt like being at a party and then overstaying your welcome.
    Since I closed my account, I occasionally log in via my husband’s profile to have a quick peek at what’s going on, but usually as soon as I do, I immediately regret it!
    So a big thank you for sharing this post. I really did feel like I was the only one out there with this crazed love-hate-arrgh! relationship with Mr.Book, but now I know that it’s not just me!
    Z x

  170. [this was a nice read]

  171. Deborah says:

    Showing up here WAY after the fact; and probably with so many comments piled up anyway (just say FB somewhere and you’ve got a hot blog ! ! ! – yep, I know, I got burned that way once, well it was only like a minor sunburn).

    I have not really “liked” FB but because “Gaian Friends” were there, I came too. I thought it was “shallow”, compared to deeper (read wordy – yep) exchanges I was used to.

    Lately, FB has proven more useful – yes,

    > connecting with my SIL from my first marriage (found her through her son on my daughter’s FB page). Now how else would we have ever found each other again?

    > found my sister’s daughter (and that she now had a daughter of her own), who I haven’t seen or heard from, who’s email addresses all went obsolete, since her brother’s wedding 15 yrs ago (found her on her brother’s FB page, yep).

    > and found out a dear friend was arriving in St Louis, just 2 hours away, not because she told me directly – no – because her FB page told me and we spent several hours enjoying each other’s company before she got on the plane, to go back home to Las Vegas.

    Oh yeah, FB also showed me some scary stuff too – when I was trying to help my youngest sister sell her saddles and scammers came into my life big time (lucky for me, they were complex and fascinating, but easy for me to figure out, without the pain of financial loss).

    Even some mom’s in a group I belong to are here.

    So, Gaia and Gaian friends got me to FB but it was other family & friends that proved its value to me.

    Including staying more frequently in touch with my own daughter, who I only see once every year or two. Why is it that it is easier to stay connected with FB? I figured it out – those one-liners broadcast the message far and wide, and save time – a commodity most of us have too little of today.

    Glad you’re at FB too, Kathy.

    Deb

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  173. Pierre says:

    Interesting read, 16 months later, how are you feeling about Facebook, are your impressions still the same?

    • Kathy says:

      Pierre, your question is SO timely. Has 16 months passed already? And am I still confused about Facebook? I am going to think about your comment for awhile longer and MAY write another sequel to this blog with an updated status. If so, I will link back to this blog, so you’ll see your answer. Thank you so much for asking!

      • Pierre says:

        Sorry for being so insistent. I don’t believe another blog post would be necessary .You could simply give your impressions by replying to this comment. Are you stil confused about Facebook? What are your impressions of Facebook now? Do you still have a Facebook account?

        PS.: please DELETE`the comment i made on september the 18th (too many comments made on the same subject by the the same person and i hate that!)

        • Kathy says:

          Dear Pierre (and whoever else is reading)–I still can’t believe 16 months has passed since writing this blog. Your comment made me realize that I am still quite ambivalent about Facebook. So ambivalent, in fact, that I finally took the plunge and quit hangin’ out over there twelve days ago.

          My greatest challenge with FB is that it feels like in many cases–not all–it makes you LESS close to your friends. Not all friends. But some friends. People you think you would speak to with great excitement, should you meet them, suddenly become ho-hum. You quit talking with your nieces and nephews and old friends. They quit talking to you. Before you at least had the illusion that you would like to be communicating with them.

          After going off Facebook, I started old-fashioned emailing with some FB friends and it’s been great. We’re communicating again. We’re friends again. Not just settling for statuses and links and lurking behavior, thinking we know what’s going on in their lives.

          I haven’t deleted my profile. Still going to use it–for awhile–mostly for my kids and perhaps to send private birthday messages to the nieces and nephews. In case anyone wants to message me. But as an active presence–unless something else changes my mind–I’m off Facebook.

          And it feels really, really good.

          Thanks for the inspiration, Pierre! –Kathy

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  175. Pierre says:

    Reply to Kathy’s September the 28th comment:
    Thank you for taking the time to reply Kathy, i really really appreciate it. You are an inspiration too!

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