Hello young lovers wherever you are…

  

Hello...

Today is our 32nd wedding anniversary. 

I awoke humming the song from the musical “The King and I”… Hello young lovers wherever you are…I hope your troubles are few…All my good wishes go with you tonight…I’ve had a love like you. 

Flowers bloom and fade as the seasons pass

Hello, young lovers.  

Who are you young people starting out in the world with stars in your eyes and dreams bigger than your heart? 

Who are you young people ready to begin your own marriages, your own partnerships, your own friendships? 

Are there any words of advice that I could offer, that might guide you on your way?  Or would my words be only flotsam and jetsam because you must learn these things on your own, in your own special way? 

Reflections in the waters of our relationships...everywhere.

Every relationship is unique.  Every relationship offers different challenges and gifts.  You can’t generalize.  You can’t say:  Do this.  Do that.  And you’ll be married 50 years and get Golden Anniversary wishes from your grandchildren.  No.  It’s much more complicated than that. 

Reflections we sometimes don't understand at first...

What has helped strengthen our relationship?  What keeps us still married to this day, 32 years later? 

I would guess: 

~~The ability to communicate.  I know this is the biggest cliché in the Universe, but it’s true.  Without an ability to express our feelings, our deepest hopes and desires, our deepest fears–a partnership may have trouble surviving.  We have to be able to express ourselves, to share the most intimate parts of ourselves, to verbalize that which is sometimes difficult to speak.  

~~We must have the ability to compromise.  We never give or get 100%.  We must be able to surrender when necessary, to allow the other to be right, even when we think he/she may be wrong.  We must be able to dance between different beliefs, to uplift the other at times and let our own egos subside.  We must learn the rhythm of this partnership game, when to let go and when to demand more.  

~~It’s a daily thing, this dance.  Some days it’s a polka.  Other days a romantic waltz.  Other days a do-your-own thing rock ‘n roll wagging of hips.  We must develop an inner ear to blend together our own individual needs with our giving.  

Flowers for our love

~~One of the things that has strengthened our marriage has been our individuality.  Some marriages grow strong in togetherness.  In shared times.  Our marriage seems to grow strong in allowing each other lots of independence.  We are such independent souls. 

We love to travel separately, to go hither and yon, often apart.  Yet we also love to come together and share of our separate adventures.  We nurture our independence with one another.  

OK, let’s get concrete.  Barry loves boating.  I saved and scrimped and bought him the boat of his dreams.  I love traveling.  He doesn’t, quite as much.  Or he can’t leave his job as easily as I can.  But he supports and encourages my travelin’ dreams and sends me on my way with a hug and kiss. 

What more could I want in a partner of 32 years? 

Or maybe lily pads...

Young lovers, wherever you are… 

I think your first responsibility is to find your joy within.  That may sound crazy.  But I believe that when we connect with our inner joy…it then flows effortlessly into the other beings who share our lives.  

So don’t neglect yourselves in a relationship.  Find your inner joy, your inner connection with Spirit, your inner peace and contentment.  If you don’t find this first of all, you may blame your partner for not supplying this basic foundation.  

If we look outside ourselves for fulfillment…it’s much harder to find. 

And sometimes precious new life...

I asked my mama this afternoon (who has been married fifty-four years):  “Hey, Mom, what advice would you have for newlyweds or people contemplating marriage or partnership?” 

She said, “Successful marriage doesn’t just happen–you have to work to make it happen.”  

I would agree.  

I would agree with that assessment in all relationships.  Love burns bright and strong in the beginning of a relationship; it changes as the years change.  We all change–every day.  Every month, every year, we’re a different person with new likes and dislikes. 

The sweet slow kindling of a relationship thirty-two years later is like a fire that warms but does not burn.  It brightens but does not blind.  It inspires but does not snuff out at the slightest wind. 

Thank you, Barry, for these 32 precious years. 

Little ones

About Kathy

I live in the middle of the woods in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. Next to Lake Superior's cold shores. I love to blog.
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32 Responses to Hello young lovers wherever you are…

  1. Kathy – CONGRATULATIONS to you and Barry on 32 years of marriage! I loved reading this blog post and the photographs you weaved throughout. I also loved the observations you shared.

  2. fountainpen says:

    Congratulations!
    Fountainpen

  3. First may I say the little shoes are the cutest!!!!
    Perfect Pink, I think…(color Blind!)

    Congrats and many more to come!

    We are on 26….It truly is a dance…I thought of some more, how bought the Mararna or the 9hicken, Peppermint Twist…Or how about The Hustle….

    ::hugs::

    Kim

  4. Kathy and Barry ~ My very best wishes to you both on this wonderful day of celebration. ❤

    Kathy, from someone who has been married for 31 years, I couldn't have said it better myself. It has brought a tear of joy to my eye, you expressed your feeling so beautifully.

    My love to both of you. xxx

  5. Susan D says:

    How exquisitely expressed! Congratulations to you and Barry on this celebration of 32 years of “young love.” Beautiful photographs, too. Happy Evening, Love Birds 🙂

  6. Kathy says:

    I’ll get back to your comments later–we’re making salsa right now (ooo la la!) and I’m playing the King & I songs really loud on YouTube. If I keep up with this insane behavior…we’ll be divorced by tomorrow. LOL!

  7. K Odell says:

    wonderful. and I agree with momma- marriage is work, and change, and compromise. But having an understanding partner is well worth it.

  8. Colleen Lloyd says:

    Kathy, congratulations and the best of all wishes to both of you! So beautifully expressed. My heart fills with warmth and gratitude as I read your words of wisdom. I also appreciate your mom’s observations… very much. After 41 years together one definately understands the wisdom of those words.

  9. gigi says:

    I kept reading the title as “Help young lovers wherever you are…”

    Which can be read as “Help young lovers, wherever you are…” or “Help, young lovers…”

    What does this say about my mind set, I ask?

    Congrats on the anniversary.

  10. Carol says:

    Congratulations on the 32 years, the continued happiness of the relationship, and the wonderful pictures. I so admire and envy those of you who picked the right person the first time around!

  11. Oh Sweetest Kathy! Congratulations to you and Barry today. I love that song from “The King and I”- have you heard the recording of Julie Andrews and Ben Kingsley singing the leads- it was a concert recording and it is SO good.
    Jonathan and I just celebrated our 17th in July. Tonight at our swing dance class, I am really WANTING to learn to let him lead. I do in so many other ways, but there, in the East Coast Lindy, I have to surrender.
    And learn to ask for what I need. He is just a bit shorter than I am. And with my dancing shoes on, that makes a difference when he turns me. I have to duck under his arm. So…I asked him if he could make an allowance for that, maybe reach up a little higher.
    We had a fun laugh about his options, but I was glad our daughter could hear us work it out with ease and grace.
    One of the best things about being married so long is I get to improve relationship skills every day.
    Thank you for this reflection! And the photos!
    Love, S

  12. Martha Bergin says:

    Beautiful reflections on successful partnerships and marriages! I’m thinking about sharing your blog with my communication classes when we get to Relationships.

  13. jeffstroud says:

    Congratulations to both of you! What beautiful event! and Kathy I think you have captured the essence of how to have a happy successful marriage very well! Beautiful blog, wondrous photography!

    I am Love, Jeff

  14. janet says:

    Inspiring take on love ❤

    I especially enjoyed the little pink shoes full of chicks n hen (mostly chicks, so small)

  15. Cindy Lou says:

    Beautimous photos and wondermous words of a life lived in the joy of the dance……blessings and love to you both!

  16. Marianne says:

    Congratulations Kathy!! I can only imagine what 32 yrs of marriage would be like.

  17. Dawn says:

    The best line for me was: “The sweet slow kindling of a relationship thirty-two years later is like a fire that warms but does not burn. It brightens but does not blind. It inspires but does not snuff out at the slightest wind. ”

    And I thought – “Exactly!”

    Congratulations on 32 years! I agree that the best way to maintain a good marriage is to be is respectful individuals that enjoy sharing.

    Hope the salsa was WONDERFUL!

  18. Robin says:

    Happy Anniversary! May you have many more to celebrate together. 🙂

    Wonderful advice to those just starting out. My husband and I celebrated our 34th anniversary in August. It’s an amazing and awesome thing to me, the relationship we’ve formed and that has, in some ways, formed us as well. It keeps us young, too. 😀

  19. Gerry says:

    Happy Anniversary, Kathy. I think you found the right one for you for sure forever. What a guy. What a lucky guy.

  20. Nicole Smith says:

    Happy anniversary! And what a beautiful, thoughtful, touching and inspiring blog.

    Best wishes for many more happy years for you and Barry,

    Nicole

  21. barb says:

    Your pics and words both generate reflection, Kathy. Happy Anniversary. Keep working at it!

  22. Karma says:

    Happy Anniversary! What a sweet and wonderful reflection. I hope you don’t mind my “doing the math,” but it seems we were both young bridges – you 21(?) and I was 23. Seems so young to me when I say it to myself. Not that I regret, it just seems unusual in modern times. I’m happy to know that another young bride is still “making it work” (in the words of Tim Gunn!) after all those years!

  23. Karma says:

    OOPS! I meant young brides up there, not bridges, LOL! Must have been thinking of your previous post! 😉

  24. Catherine says:

    Congratulations and thanks for your beautiful words of wisdom. I read them to John on the phone and he asked me to copy them so we can discuss them when we see each other tomorrow. We don’t have to be “young lovers” to benefit from your musings!

  25. Kathy says:

    Thank you all for the congratulations! Funny~~there is a blog on Freshly Pressed right now called “We all marry the wrong person.” (Sorry can’t give you the link–for some reason it won’t go there right now.) I both agree and disagree with the author. We all marry someone who isn’t perfect, who challenges us at times, who simply–darn it–isn’t us. The ability of BOTH partners to compromise, change, respect, shift viewpoints and forgive is essential. I don’t know what creates the magic alchemy that allows folks to do that as a couple. I don’t know why sometimes it works and other times it doesn’t. It isn’t easy to live daily with another person, to forge relationship through difficulties. I am fortunate for the opportunity to be able to grow and stretch and forgive and widen my heart a bit more every day.

  26. bearyweather says:

    Very beautiful thoughts .. thanks for sharing them and congratulations. It is great to hear about a happy, long-term marriage in this world of ours where so many relationships seem disposable.
    I read that same article on Freshly Pressed. It reminds me that we are all a work in progress and if you can find someone to progress with through life, you are truly blessed. You are one of them.

    • Kathy says:

      We are all a work in progress, aren’t we, bearyweather? A person is indeed lucky if they can find someone who is willing to work hand-in-hand instead of doing karate moves. Thank you!

  27. Congratulations on these 32 years of sharing and independance, of communication and compromises. A marriage is a patchwork of so many things and events that we discover over the years. Our will and love to sew them all together is what makes life between partners so motivating and beautiful ! Happy for you two 🙂

  28. kathusitalo says:

    Cheers!
    Congratulations…many more.

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