On 11/11/11 I decided this blog was going in a different direction.
(Yawn. You’re bored with me announcing this periodically through the blogging years, aren’t you? I know part of me is.)
I was going to write deeper blogs. Or blogs more from the heart. Or something like that.
An inner desire keeps rising to be truer to the inner voice. And yet, still, it also feels unclear exactly what that means.
So on 11/11/11 this desire for–something–to change, to balance, to tweak a little to the left or right peaked and accelerated and I announced with utter assurance that a change was a’comin’.
Yes, I would be truer to the inner voice. Write from that. The inner voice would be queen. It would rule.
It would. Finally. Once and forever more.
This worked for about two days. OK, maybe a few hours.
And then I was off & running, following the stream or flow of the moment, writing from what IT wanted to express, not what the mind had determined ought to be expressed.
For example. Sitting down at the computer this morning, one can discover all sorts of intentions about writing a blog. Some of the intentions can be labeled “good” and others “not-so-good.” (The mind is good at labeling. See the last rant for more about this. A lot of you said it didn’t sound like a rant, but I was feeling rant-like. Hence, the title.)
The deeper truth which always seems to succeed in my blogging and life is celebrating the flow-of-the-moment arising. Whether it’s mundane or deep. Whether it’s photos or words. It is the sacred celebration of life flowing through us. That is what ultimately feels more important than limiting blogging–or life–to one trajectory, one course, one sailing direction.
We all state intentions. OK, some of us do more than others. Some of our intentions succeed. Others seemingly fail. It’s valuable to look at our “failed” intentions to see what hidden intentions might be stronger and more potent than what we’re trying to accomplish.
Let’s say we want to lose ten or twenty pounds. We’re sure. But, within the movement of the day, we discover ourselves at the refrigerator wolfing down chocolate cake. What is stronger than our intention to lose weight? Perhaps our fear of indecision leads us to attempt to fill ourselves with food. Perhaps it’s a niggling feeling of insecurity, or fear of emptiness, or despair, which leads us to grab the fork and try to fill the inner black hole with sustenance. Perhaps we think the freedom to choose is more vital than our mind or heart’s desire.
It is always valuable to look at the intention that is ruling the day. What is actually happening, versus what we think we want to happen.
Perhaps we need to look what we’re pushing away, giving away, in exchange for the new desire. Is there a way to honor both/and?
Is there a way for us to have our chocolate cake and eat it, too? To lose our ten pounds and celebrate the cake?
I’m not sure. I feel less sure of most things these days, and that feels good.
What I truly want to do–with 100% of this heart–is to celebrate every moment. To fully participate in it. To be as aware as possible, as engaged as possible, as present as possible. To honor what arises, without wishing it was something else.
Do you have an intent you feel comfortable sharing? Do you have an intent you want to accomplish, yet it remains elusive?
P.S. When I sat down at the computer, I intended to write an ENTIRELY different blog. It involved entirely different photos. But the flow of life demanded this. Perhaps it thought someone might be helped by this. Or that I might be helped by articulating it.
Who wants to argue with the flow of life?