Tense marital moments disrupt blogging memoirs

Chapter 2.5

My career as a Memoir Writer may be over.

It was great while it lasted, wasn’t it?

You enjoyed it, right?

You were enjoying reading about our decision to move North to the Upper Peninsula, right?  About Sarah, the Shower Spider, and our frozen toilet bowl? 

Yeah, me too.

Until I returned home yesterday afternoon to a note from our Hero, the blogger’s said husband.

Frozen Black-eyed Susan

“Baby blue suit???  You’re killing me with these blogs!  There WAS no baby blue suit!  Can’t you remember? It was a dark blue suit!  And what do you mean by putting that dorky photo in the blog?  You can’t put THAT photo in the blog–it’s just ridiculous.”  (OK, reader, the note may not have said that.  But that’s my memory of our dreaded confrontation.)

Some of you may be frowning and saying, “WHAT baby blue suit is she talkin’ about now?  I don’t remember reading about a baby blue suit in yesterday’s blog.  What photo?”

That’s because your blogger–after a few choice words with the hero of our story–agreed that, yes, maybe, perhaps, you never know, you’re probably right, you never owned a baby blue suit.  And, OK, I should have asked you if that particular photo was acceptable.

Onto every beach a little snow must fall...

She then did whatever any respectable blogger might do.  She corrected her error. She deleted reference to baby blue suit in the job interview.  She deleted the offending photo. Of course, by then, a commenter (quietsolopursuits) had already asked if the baby blue suit might be polyester? 

Blogger wrote back by private email:  “I’ve already deleted your comment.” And explained why.

In which Commenter responded, “That’s OK, I just wish I could deny the baby blue polyester leisure suit I owned in the 70’s, but some ratfinks took pictures of me wearing it.”

Kiwidutch then arrives to  comment about the deleted photo of the three  Musketeers sitting on the wagon in front of the old farmhouse. (She did not call them dorky.)

She can’t believe our jackets are hanging open when there is snow on the ground.

I have to email kiwi and tell her the photo has been deleted.  (At least, that’s what I think I emailed her.  My goodness, do we have to be ACCURATE in the blogging world?  Because, gosh darn it, Kathy is going to fail this truth quiz.  Not because she doesn’t want to be truthful.  Because she can’t REMEMBER!)

Along comes Commenter Brenda.  Brenda doesn’t know what the other commenters are talking about.  Blue leisure suit?  Photo of three friends sitting on a wagon?  She feels confused and left out.

Kathy, on the other hand, is still “doing some ‘splainin’ to her husband.”

Marraige is filled with apple moments. Some are good and some are...

“I swear you had a blue suit,” Kathy insists.  “I can see you wearing it.  It’s light blue.  I swear it!”

“You are mistaken!”  replies said husband.  “I have never owned a polyester blue suit in my life. That was your BROTHER.  Remember the photo of him in one that you looked at last week?  I wore CARHARTTs.  I wore flannel shirts.  I would never ever wear a light blue polyester suit.  Ever.” 

(Your blogger is starting to feel slightly ill now.   Her career as  a famous Memoir Blogger is obviously over, before it barely began.  She’s failed.  Her memory has failed.  She can not remember something as simple as what her Significant Other wore to his Most Important Job Interview 32 years earlier. )

The hero and heroine of the story share a few tense moments until their life-long pattern of communication and reconciliation takes effect.

The blogher agrees to let the bloghim read future Memoir Episodes before publication.  She can write to her heart’s delight, sharing What Happened!  And he can edit to his mind’s knowing, about what REALLY happened.

She’ll be happy at allowing creativity to write the story.  He’ll be happy that Actual Facts are appearing. 

They shook hands.  They agreed on a Memoir Partnership.  Especially since it’s about both of them.

Peace reigns in the household once more

There was no light blue suit that the hero wore to the Job Interview.  Memory can be a faulty instrument.  (You just try to write YOUR memoir, and give it to someone who existed at the same time.  Just try it!)

Certain photos may not be appropriate, unless prior approval is granted. (Gosh, why does one person like a certain photo and the other despises it?)

The column about my Thanksgiving Mistake which appeared in the L’Anse Sentinel this week by said Blogger’s husband –putting Too Much Thyme in the stuffing last Thursday–was approved in advance, even though your blogger may get flack from her book club members when they arrive at our house on Friday night.

I shall run future installments of the Memoirs by him before pressing the “Publish” button.

That’s why we’re still married after 33 years, readers. 

Communication and negotiation.

“How many more installments of the memoirs do you have?” asks our hero. 

“Umm…one about our half-coyote dog and one about Texas and maybe one about the kids?” our heroine responds tentatively, never knowing which direction Creativity might beckon.  (And, no, John, we won’t be writing our Memoirs until Valentine’s Day!  What are you thinking?)

Peace descends upon the Drue household.  Blogging marriage counseling is not necessary.  He did not own a light blue polyester suit.  He really didn’t.  I am still trying to convince my errant memory:  “No, no, memory.  You are WRONG.  You’ve made this up…again.  How am I to trust you?  Don’t you know he’s a Carhartt kind of guy?  Don’t you know? How COULD you have made this up?”

We’ll get to Chapter 3 in the next memoir blog.  If I can just remember what I want to talk about…

About Kathy

I live in the middle of the woods in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. Next to Lake Superior's cold shores. I love to blog.
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51 Responses to Tense marital moments disrupt blogging memoirs

  1. Again, this is priceless. Reminds me a bit of what happens when I write about my partner Sara. She almost always differs with me about the minor details.

    I suggest you include the edited parts of memoir posts as text with the line through. (What is that stuff called?) That way we can see both perspectives in the same text–with Barry’s given preference (of course) and yours seemingly deleted. I think the photos as well could be fixed. Why not photoshop Barry out of any offending photos? This could be truly hysterical.


    • Kathy says:

      Gosh, Kathy, I am glad that you and Sara dispute details, as well. That is a good idea about the “line through” thingee. Never thought of that. I have to be Very Very Careful because he’s writing stories about me, as well. I am a little bit apprehensive about what my silly reactions in blogging print might result in…

  2. Elisa's Spot says:

    lol such memoirs are even more….amusi…i mean cherished, if the her writes a page and then the him writes a refute, i mean a page

    the word memoirrrrrrrrrr makes me think of armoiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiire where a whole lot of crap gets lost and misplaced and buried

    I am also thinking, based upon something that occurred in life on life’s terms for me yesterday, what value are memories, especially if they end up having to be justified. For me it can take the joy right out them. I wonder if some use memory like an old library card catalog and others use it as an emotional storebank with feelings attached to images or images attached to feelings.

    I wonder if it makes a difference in perspective and what I will end up choosing to do about it.

    • Kathy says:

      They say that memories are, so often, made up. We humans have added details here and there that never existed in the first place. We took our interpretations and added on our emotions…and how does that connect with the actual event? I do trust Barry’s memory. I do not trust my own. I could care two figs about what actually happened. I care more about the flowing energies which lead us to Now. Good luck in your decision…it’s a challenging one.

  3. Oh, Kathy, this happens to the best of us! My memory is already shot – I’ve almost given up trying to remember something that happened more than 5 years ago…. my older son was asking me about the names of some of my elementary school teachers, and I could only remember a couple!! I was even struggling to remember some of my HIGH school teachers! But, if it’s a number that someone asks me to remember, I will NEVER forget it….. weird!! I’m glad that peace has been restored!! 😉

    • Kathy says:

      You are a LOT younger than me!! (But that doesn’t matter, because Ki is the same way and she’s only 25. Our son, Chris, and Barry, remember everything. Kiah and I are hopeless. We understand what you’re going through. Except, we can’t remember numbers either. LOL!)

  4. Brenda Hardie says:

    Ohmygoodness! We brought forth such an ordeal for you Kathy! I am guilty as charged…lol asking too many questions! As far as a light blue leisure suit…LOL you should see this picture I have of my Dad wearing …..yes indeed a light blue leisure suit….polyester to boot….AND it was in a “patchwork” print made to look like denim! LOL LOL LOL I’m going to have to find that picture and email it to you….IF I can find it! My Dad would just roll his eyes and laugh at me if I did share it. Course he could come right back with pictures of me wearing red, white and blue striped “elephant pants” with a chain belt and platform shoes! LOL
    Oh and by the way…I like Kathryn’s idea…about the text and photos…:D It would be fun to see both sides!
    As to Elisa’s comment….my memories all come with emotions and feelings attached. Yup…emotional storebank suits me perfectly! 😀

    • Kathy says:

      Hi, Brenda, tee hee! You were right in the middle of our marital discord! **smiling** You weren’t, really. thinking about your dad, how cute. My brother would have looked like that. Barry wouldn’t have. So why has my memory super-imposed my brother on my husband? Go figure. I like Kathryn’s idea, too, except maybe the hero wanted it removed, ASAP.

  5. Sybil says:

    I REMEMBER IT WELL — From “Gigi” (1958)
    (Lyrics : Alan Jay Lerner / Frederick Loewe)
    H=wife M=husband

    H: We met at nine
    M: We met at eight
    H: I was on time
    M: No, you were late
    H: Ah, yes, I remember it well

    We dined with friends
    M: We dined alone
    H: A tenor sang
    M: A baritone
    H: Ah, yes, I remember it well

    That dazzling April moon!
    M: There was none that night. And the month was June
    H: That’s right. That’s right.
    M: It warms my heart to know that you remember still the way you do
    H: Ah, yes, I remember it well

    H: How often I’ve thought of that Friday
    M: Monday
    H: night when we had our last rendezvous. And somehow I foolishly wondered if you might By some chance be thinking of it too?
    That carriage ride
    M: You walked me home
    H: You lost a glove
    M: I lost a comb
    H: Ah, yes, I remember it well

    That brilliant sky
    M: We had some rain
    H: Those Russian songs
    M: From sunny Spain
    H: You wore a gown of gold
    M: I was all in blue
    H: Am I getting old?
    M: Oh, no, not you
    How strong you were. How young and gay. A prince of love In every way
    H: Ah, yes, I remember it well

  6. Heather says:

    Laughing with you, because my husband and I have started many a story only to stop somewhere along the way to “argue” about whose memory is broken 😉 I just HATE it when I’m wrong, and then am left there trying to reconcile my broken memories with what actually happened. Makes me hope I never have to be an eye-witness for anything!

    • Kathy says:

      thank goodness we’re not the only ones. Thank goodness. I don’t mind if I’m wrong…I’m always wrong in the Memory Department. I just mind if I’m corrected. LOL!

  7. HolEssence says:

    Ya gotta love it 🙂

  8. Susan D says:

    I’m loving the memoirs, bringing past and present together with memories and responses to memories … and the beautiful truth that results. Slices of real-life happenings and the methods of working out, and going on … Just priceless!

    • Kathy says:

      so glad you’re enjoying this, Susan. I now need to gather the energy and resources to write about Tasha, our half-coyote pup. But dinner needs to be made! (Brocoli carrot stir-fry, I think.)

      • Kathy says:

        Oh, weird. I thought I was replying to the other Susan. My mind is fried! Kind of like the vegetables are going to be in a minute…love the mums, sweetheart. Love you.

  9. P.j. grath says:

    There is a reason why we are bloggers and not journalists, and there is a reason we author rather than co-author our blogs. But EVERYTHING IS A DOUBLE-EDGED SWORD! Kathy, I feel your pain. I feel your giggles, too.

    • Kathy says:

      I did work for a journalist, for a while, Pamela, but I am not cut out to be a Factual Sort. I love Fantasy much more. Not really fantasy…more like the heart talking its way through Life. I know what you mean about that Double-edged sword. Gosh, what a day yesterday was!

  10. Gerry says:

    Wait, wait – the baby blue polyester leisure suit guy was your other husband. You remember – he came to a bad end when he stopped to admire the Cut River by moonlight on his way back from Bar!Bar!Bar! in Mackinaw City and fell off his high heeled Saturday Night dancing boots. Or wait, wait . . . maybe that was . . .

    • I didn’t mention the high heeled Saturday Night dancing boots, but they did go with the baby blue polyester leisure suit. They came to a bad end in a situation much as you described, on the way home from a bar one night. Now there’s a story that will never be told in full again, ever.

      • Kathy says:

        How did you KNOW, Gerry? How did you KNOW? I am still in shock after reading your comment. Please, don’t tell anyone.

        • Gerry says:

          My lips are stuck together. (Peanut butter sandwich night at the Writing Studio and Bait Shop – we had a busy little day.)

          At least I didn’t mention that the high heels were clear lucite, with little goldfish swimming around inside. Honestly, I do not miss the ’70s one little bit, except for the part about how Rob the Firefighter was so darned cute.

  11. I love most of your stories and everytime I read another one I think… whooiiee …I swear it this one is the best so far!
    But then some time later I forget which one I meant……… 😉


    • Kathy says:

      Well, Lucienne, I am laughing right now. Not necessarily yesterday afternoon!! Although, by tomorrow, I may forget this blog was ever written…

  12. I feel privilaged to have been able to read the last chapter as you originally wrote it before the mean old editor made you change it. 😉 I think the heart and soul is gone from it now, and I don’t mean the baby-blue possibly polyester leisure suit part, but the “Three Musketeers” photo. That one spoke to me on so many levels about my own experiences during the 70’s, I loved it and didn’t think there was anything dorky about it.

    The mean old editor doth protest too much, methinks.

    • Kathy says:

      Shhh….shhhh….Mr. Pursuits! You have to realize that the Editor and I are in a delicate relationship. He writes about me. I write about him. We have to respect one another’s preferences. We do. I might not have thought the pic was dorky…I might have thought it was the heart and soul…but he did not. The same might go for me someday in the local newspaper. It’s all very delicate. As is every relationship in some ways…

  13. john says:

    OMG, your human! I think it is wonderful that your memory works a lot like mine. I also think that Barry should have the opportunity to review prior to publication. I’d like to say isn’t it wonderful, you are a normal married couple, but I know very few couples who both have such a large number of followers. (well maybe James Carville and Mary Matalin)

    The two of you are absolutely so cool!

    • Kathy says:

      Deep bows, John! I am glad you have met the very human Drues. Phew. It’s time you were introduced to them. Barry can’t have all of my blogs for review, but he can have the memoirs, or anything that concerns him, dear fellow. As for those LARGE number of followers? My goodness! You can only say that if writers have thousands of followers. We’re not so lucky. We don’t think. Please get more people to read us. We will treat you out to dinner at the Hilltop if you do.

  14. gigi says:

    Nobody’s memory is wrong. We all remember the same experience in our own unique way. Take it from a fellow memoir writing; “Memory is a tricky thing.”

    I’m beyond anyone else editing my writing but then there are many things I won’t write about until ALL my parents are gone. And I think sometimes how much of a cop-out that is and wonder how much closer/or further away this memory/truth might take us.

    Even though I use a pseudonym, most of my family knows how to find my blog.

    • Kathy says:

      Gigi, I want to agree with you—but I think my memory IS wrong. I really think I’ve made up this light blue polyester suit. I think it belonged to my brother. And Barry’s memory is razor-sharp. He recalls things. There are things I won’t write, too, right now. We have to dance in this theatre of life between the sensibilities and thoughts of others and the interpretations of self. It’s not easy. Good luck, girlfriend. It’s challenging!

  15. Are you SURE that it’s YOUR memory that’s faulty, and not HIS? Hmm?? 😉
    If you ever do publish your memoirs, I have the perfect title for the book: “These are my memoirs…. but I could be wrong”

    • Kathy says:

      You know, I feel like he IS right, because when he explains it all (usually patiently) I think “yes, yes, that’s how it was!” I actually did go looking for proof of the light blue suit in 16 photo albums and…darn it…none existed. We did find one small memory-area where I was “right” and he was “wrong”…but that’s because it happened to me and not to both of us. He’s kind of like my childhood friend, Carol Noble. She can tell you everything that happened to us in elementary school. Everything. I remember none of it–until she tells. Then it all comes back. Love your title!

  16. Geoff Geary says:

    Your days as a memoir writer might have hit something of a road block, but you should take up writing headlines. “Tense marital moments disrupt blogging memoirs” was a stunner. It made me want to read what it was all about. Still can’t beat my favourite though: “Headless body in topless bar” from the “New York Post” in 1982.

    • Kathy says:

      Why thank you, Geoff! I LOVE making these headlines! I KNEW this one would stun people into actually clicking over to this here blog to see what the squabbling was about. Headless body in topless bar…yikes! That one scares me…

  17. Dawn says:

    I think you should write a memoir and than have blogghim write a guest memoir of the same period. It would be enlightening! Glad things got smoothed over. I was worried for awhile. Maybe it’s good my ‘him’ doesn’t read my blog! 🙂

    • Kathy says:

      It certainly would be enlightening, wouldn’t it? Usually we have no worries about our respective blogs/columns on the worldwide web and in our local newspaper. However, when it’s–kind of–a joint memoir, I am willing to let him read beforehand. He’s really a good editor. And if I totally disagree with his opinion, well, then…guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. 🙂

  18. Val says:

    Husbands know what Polyester is? And they can tell the difference between blue and other colours? Are you sure?

  19. Robin says:

    Alas, no two memories, no matter how much they love each other, are ever alike. There are even studies to prove it. That’s why there are songs, movies, books, and yes, blog posts delving into he said, she said. Or she said, she said. Or… whatever possible combinations there are. I’m beginning to think it was arranged that way just so we can have a little contrast in our lives (the way we tweak the contrast in a photo). 😀

  20. Tammy says:

    This is so funny! I have forgotten what everyone was wearing yesterday let alone years past. It’s so great that you let us in on this interaction.

  21. Colleen says:

    Kathy, this is priceless! Some sensitive subject matter here. Rick had a light blue (read powder blue) leisure suit that he would deny with his last breath ever having or wearing BUT there just happens to be photographic evidence in an old photo album (darn those camera toting mother-in-laws). Our boys were too young to really remember but they still tease him and he still sputters and steadfastly denies it!

    • Kathy says:

      Oh my goodness, Colleen! This is so funny! Thank goodness for those camera toting mother-in-laws. You’ve got the goods. He had better be nice to you! 🙂

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