I am not a terrorist. Honest.

I am not a terrorist. Honest Abe will vouch for that.

Pssst, you can still say “terrorist” in a public blog, can’t you?  Without the Homeland Security descending upon your little house in the woods?  It still is a humourous country, isn’t it?  Please tell me those federal agents can still crack a smile when they’re sipping coffee and monitoring our on-line activity.

Not that I would dare whisper that “t” word while maneuvering through airports.  Oh, no, I wouldn’t dare mess with a TSA (Transportation Security Administration) official.  I like that they’re trying to make our airports safe from crazy violence-prone folks.  I like that they are trying to protect us from wild and raging fundamentalists who do stupid things like try to blow up airplanes and buildings and people.

Nonetheless, yesterday I was almost mistaken for a terrorist.

My crime?

Sending Trenary Toast through the mail.

You’re on the edge of your seats now, aren’t you?

OK, here’s the story-behind-the-scenes.

An eon ago, at least last week, I wrote a  blog called:  Time for a Heikki Lunta snow dance?  It mentioned a locally famous hard crunchy cinnamon snack called Trenary Toast.

One of my beloved readers, Fountainpen, requested some Trenary Toast.  Her mouth desired a taste of this Upper Peninsula (Yooper) delight.  (Not that I munch on this toast, mind you.  But “real” locals do.  I’ve brought a bag of Trenary Toast to my parent’s condo in Florida to delight an ex-Yooper.  I think it reminds her of long-ago childhood in the Copper Country.)

Fountainpen offered to pay, but Fountainpen is always sending sweet gifts like homemade notecards, so I said, “Absolutely not!”  Simultaneously, Linda, over at Collectionofthoughtswrittenonreaggedpiecesofpaper joked that she wanted some Trenary Toast, too, please.

She was shocked when I said sure.  (Don’t you love to shock people?)

I scurried downtown, bought the infamous toast, found two dilapidated boxes for mailing, and engaged in a long conversation with another Linda at the Skanee Post Office concerning the exorbitant cost of mailing something as light as Trenary Toast.

Off went the packages.  Didn’t think about them again.  Hoped the recipients would enjoy munching.

Linda emailed this morning, just when I was certain there was Nothing Left to Blog About in the Entire World.

No need to hide.

She had received the ragged package and…thinking she knew no one in L’Anse, Michigan…convinced herself that a terrorist had sent the mysterious box.

Please read her blog “Terrorist Trenary” if you want a good laugh.

Even though it is truly sad that we sometimes worry when opening unknown packages, fearful of white powder or bombs. We live in tentative times, bombarded by news of violence and despair daily.  Who’s to say what’s coming in our mail, especially from an unknown sender?

Dear Federal Agents:  Before you put Linda and me in jail for mentioning the “Terrorist” word in our blogs, please consider a little bribe.

Would you like some Trenary Toast with your coffee?   🙂

P.S.  Dear Readers:  When was the last time YOU were accused (even in someone’s vivid imagination) of being a terrorist?

About Kathy

I live in the middle of the woods in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. Next to Lake Superior's cold shores. I love to blog.
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76 Responses to I am not a terrorist. Honest.

  1. susan says:

    Well NOW you’ve done it! They will be comin’ for you for sure! 🙂
    It’s been fun!

  2. Reggie says:

    How funny, Kathy! I LOL’d and ROFL’d and all that, when I read your post, and then Linda’s too…. I would love to have some Trenary Toast too, actually, but it’s waaaaaay to far to send it to SA, and who knows *what* the local postman will do with the package… But – oh! – Do you think I will be able to get some in the States? Is it only sold in Michigan? I am sooo curious!

    • Kathy says:

      I’m not sure if you’d even be able to buy Trenary Toast in LOWER Michigan, Reggie. You can check around, but I’m suspicious it’s only sold in the U.P. (You could try clicking on the link and seeing how much it costs to send to your friend’s house…)

  3. Kathy – I always try to keep a bit of bail money on hand for gal pals who have a wee bit too much fun. But girlfriend, I gotta tell ya, I don’t think my account’s got enough in it to swing this one!

  4. I just saw the unmarked car pass by my house….stopping two doors down where I had dropped off two slices of TT so my neighbor would KNOW what I was going on and on about….I think I heard her say UP…Code is best you know in situations like these.

    Your post is way funny…and clueless me did not even ask what the cost would be 😦

    Thanks for the pingback….

    • Kathy says:

      Really? The unmarked cars are already cruising? I don’t think they can see our house because there are too many logs in the way, thank goodness. L.I.T.W. (Logs in the Way.) Let’s keep the lingo going.

      As for cost, my dear! It was a gift, freely given. You would not have been allowed to send a cent. You can help bail me out of jail, though.

  5. Colleen says:

    Kathy, this has us smiling! I can’t imagine you ever being mistaken for a terrorist. Rick and I, on the other hand….. .sometimes we wonder. We’ve had so many border incidents over the years. Your Trenary Toast sounds delightful! Imagining you enjoying some with a warm cup of tea. Wishing you a lovely day 🙂

    • Kathy says:

      Smiling at the thought of you & Rick being mistaken for terrorists. Come to think of it, wasn’t my MOTHER almost mistaken as a terrorist at the airport in Nicaragua the other week? No, no, she was only almost mistaken as a smuggler. Big difference. Terrorist. Smuggler. I AM enjoying a cup of tea right now, thank you! Lovely day to you, as well.

  6. Lori DiNardi says:

    Do terrorists actually use the word “terrorist” to describe themselves? Hmm. Very funny blog. Thanks for the smiles. 🙂

  7. Heather says:

    Too funny! I’m glad she worked up the courage so she could enjoy your gift (and have a good laugh at herself)!
    I’ll have to keep my eye out for Trenary Toast down here.

  8. Elisa's Spot says:

    this is defiantly NOT boring…is this or that a double negation?

    • Kathy says:

      Your comment is definitely not not appreciated. (tee hee.) I had NOTHING to say this morning. Don’t you love it when something like this comes up?

  9. jeff v says:

    Kathy , is that the stuff on the salad bar at Tony’s ? Glad to hear the Skanee post office is still there!

    • Kathy says:

      Nope, Jeff. The stuff on the salad bar at Tony’s is hard toast. This is a sweet cinnamon toast. People dunk it in coffee. You can get some at Pat’s when you’re in town. We’re glad the Skanee post office is still open, too. At least until this spring…the Postal Service is still undecided.

  10. Sybil says:

    I thought it was only TERRORISTS and Canadians who added the “u” to words like “humourous” and “neighbour” and “colour” … how do I know you’re really Kathy ?

    • Kathy says:

      That is the oddest thing, Sybiul. I have no idea where that “humourous” word came from, except I like it and may use it again. I often wonder if I’m really Kathy too. Perhaps I’m really a federal agent…no, no, no! Kathy. Me. Honest.

  11. Deborah says:

    I see at the Trenary Toast site that even the Deer up there like it. I bet our Possums would too – they will eat anything – even Girl Scout Lemonades that none of us in my household like. Now I have learned something new today – Trenary Toast was not something I had ever heard of. Yummmmmm.

    • Kathy says:

      The deer like Trenary Toast, too? You guys studied their website better than I did. Do you leave out scraps for your deer or possums? We often like to throw out our veggie scraps and the deer enjoy munching. Suddenly having a hankering for a Girl Scout Lemonade. Strange. Nice to see you, Deb!

  12. Dana says:

    Hahaha– when I started reading this post, I thought the USPS was going to refuse to mail the toast for you! It’s even funnier that the recipient thought it was a terror-filled package. 🙂

    I don’t often get mistaken for a terrorist, but my poor beloved has occasionally been taken for a common hoodlum or a communist spy. I think it’s the beard. (That, and he sort of looks like Lenin from his profile.)

    • Kathy says:

      Dana, my goodness, that would have been a funny story! Smiling thinking of your poor beloved. Hey, did I tell you that the kids at school had to draw pictures of Martin Luther King? And one of the pics look like Hitler. The spitting image. I have to giggle every time I walk down the stairs. (I can tell this little snippet because the teachers and kids are not ready this blog.)

  13. Fountainpen says:

    My goodness! The package arrived YESTERDAY AFTERNOON and I have not opened it yet!!!!!!!!
    I am waiting for just the right moment with a friend THIS AFTERNOON…..A perfect
    moment to see what TRENARY TOAST is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I can hardly WAIT!!!!!!!!!!

    Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Kathy says:

      Fountainpen, I hope you and your friend enjoy the Trenary Toast. I hope you are not disappointed. It is very cinnamon-y. Very crunchy. Very hard. Dunk it and enjoy. Hopefully dunk it and enjoy…

  14. This makes me laugh and cry all at the same time.

    • Kathy says:

      Awww, Lisa, you are the sweetest commenter. I once read that a good story somehow sets us squarely between laughter and sadness, somehow bringing both into our awareness. Thank you.

  15. Susan D. says:

    Hahahahaha … Love this! Thanks so much for the tales of toast & terrorists! Just hits the funny bone perfectly.

    Don’t have any terrorists stories (yet) but while working in CA, I’d just finished a session with a particulary difficult teen. As he slinked out of the office, I squinted at one of my coworkers and said: “Just shoot me.” She took me seriously and began questioning my mental state, saying she’d have to report me to Admin, etc, for being suicidal … YES, IT’S A TRUE STORY. Sigh … thank God I had an awesome boss with a great sense of humor who foiled any attempted 72-hour lockdown for moi. Hee hee hee…

    • Kathy says:

      **grinning in delight that you were delighted, Susan D!**

      Note to self: Never say “Just shoot me.” Ohmgoodness, I can’t believe she took you seriously! You poor thing…

      But what a good story. I am glad you weren’t locked down.

      Quadruple hee hee hee hee. (Now it’s your turn.)

  16. ....RaeDi says:

    Several years ago I mailed a little package… back up… I found some wonderful Kinkade note cards on eBay and decided Mom would love them and I ordered them and had them sent to her (I wanted to surprise her so did not say a thing)… the return address was NH. When my Mom received them she knew no one from the state of NH and put them on top of her refrig to think about the package. The next day she decided that it could be a package from some terrorists and decided to take it back to the post. She and the postal management decided it was best returned to sender… she was telling me the story the day after they had been sent back, she had not thought to tell me she had received a little package the day they came. I got in touch with the seller and explained what had happened and for the fee of paying to have them sent back she did just that. When my Mom received the package back and opened it up she was so excited over her little Kinkade note cards. They were to pretty to use…. I realized that at least one lesson was learned here!

    • Kathy says:

      Gosh, RaeDi, you’re making me think that this happens more times than not these days when strange packages arrive. Your poor Mom. Poor you. Poor seller. I am glad “all was well that ended well” and that she enjoyed the Kinkade note cards. (Next time I get an unknown package I may just set it out on the deer salt lick stand for 24 hours just in case…)

  17. Okay, I’m convinced that you are not a terrorist! I believe Abe. How could anyone even consider you a terrorist? I must admit though, that my question is sent from Australia, where the ‘T’ word is hardly ever mentioned, let alone thought about!

    I’ve decided that Australia is far too remote, as I have NEVER in my entire life been so tempted by a description of toast! We Australian’s pride ourselves as being ‘multi-cultural’, with posh restaurants popping up all over the place, serving cuisine from all corners of the globe. But have I ever heard of Trenary Toast before today? Not a chance! Australia is missing out on some of the true simple delights of the world! 🙂

    • Kathy says:

      It’s funny, Joanne, that I am now the spokeswoman for Trenary Toast when I don’t even eat it! How did that happen? Wishing that we lived in a country where the “T” word is hardly mentioned, too. 😦 Since 9/11 we’ve been a very nervous nation,methinks…

  18. Wayne says:

    Your friends have over active imaginations (read that as they are crazy), or they are involved in things they shouldn’t be involved in.



    • Kathy says:

      Wayne, don’t you love friends with over active imaginations? I do! As for being involved in things they shouldn’t be…should we go study Linda’s blog more carefully? Looking for clues? **grin** I think she’s perfectly safe, and a wonderfully creative soul!

      • Wayne says:


        That was nice advert for her blog …. already read it.


        Safe, is a very subjective term.


        • Kathy says:

          Yep, Linda and I are almost brand-new blogging friends. Just met her maybe a month ago? So none of you are safe from blog-advertising! (Although I’m so far behind reading blogs it might take One Month to catch up.) Safe is, indeed, a very subjective term. Have a good day, Wayne.

  19. john says:

    To think anything in little Trenary could or would be considered part of a terrorist anything. That dear little place that only has five streets. Kathy, everything you touch turns into an adventure 😉

    • Kathy says:

      Yes, yes, yes, yes! I love turning ordinary things into adventures, John! To be able to take the most boring topic on the planet and turn it into something sizzling with adventure. Thank you for saying that. I owe you a bag of Trenary Toast!

  20. Reblogged this on MyDestiny2011 and commented:
    At this point of time, things like this could happen to anyone, you are again a good strory teller :D. Some people gets stuck because their names and looks. Can imagine getting stuck in that kind of trouble.
    Thanks Kathy..and have a great day day!

  21. Very funny, indeed. I went over and read Terrorist Trenary and I was amused at how ready she is for a terrorist attack in the mail. Very kind of you to send your readers a taste of Michigan in the mail 🙂

    • Kathy says:

      Dear Eclectic LadyBird (oh what a lovely name!) I am glad you were amused at Linda’s post. I am now going to be MUCH more nervous when receiving an unknown package in the mail. I have decided to set it out on the deer salt lick for at least 48 hours to make sure it’s safe. Of course, blowing up deer would not be nice, either. 😦 It was fun to send a couple readers a Michigan treat! I am now hankering for Michigan dried cherries. Suddenly.

  22. Claire says:

    Cinnamon toast and terrorists all in one blog post what a quaint collection. 🙂

  23. I know some people who have FBI connections (wink, wink), so if TSA gives you a hard time in the future, maybe the FBI can intercede for you. However, I think the TSA people will probably be mollified if you get them “toasted” by treating them to Trenary Toast. Sounds delicious!

    • Kathy says:

      Oh thank you, Ms. Eagle-Eye. (Your name makes me nervous. I want to mind my prepositions and start editing.) I am writing down your name in my little black book. When they come knocking at the door…oh! Excuse me, someone is knocking at the door! ……………. Never fear, it was the propane delivery man. Phew. Still safe. I am counting on you, new friend.

  24. Robin says:

    lol! Too funny.

    I must look like a terrorist with my red hair. I frequently get pulled out for a search at the airport. My oldest son, who also has red hair, has a similar problem. There must be a gang of red haired terrorists somewhere that I don’t know about. 😉

    • Kathy says:

      Really? REALLY, Robin? Red hair does it? I was–honest–a red-head in my younger days. My knick-name was even “Red” in high school, at least to Mark Dankenbrang. Fortunately, as I “mature” I’m sure I’m off the Red Hair Terrorist Suspect List. Phew… *grin*

  25. lucindalines says:

    Oh what has our world come to. I haven’t been accused of being a Terrorist, but I remember back to the days when all sorts of planes were hijacked and my uncle complained that he wasn’t able to carry his hunting rifle alone with him inside the cabin of the plane. Crazy. Loved your post, good laugh!

    • Kathy says:

      I am glad you have not yet been accused, lucinalines! Count your blessings. Grinning thinking of your poor uncle and his hunting rifle. A lot of locals around here probably wish they could bring their hunting rifles with their carry-on luggage, too… (Note to TSA: Lucinalines and I would NEVER do this!)

  26. gzimmerman says:

    once i brought trenary toast as a snack to a dept meeting. it was so crunchy we couldn’t hear each other talking. not all unintended consequences are bad.

    • Kathy says:

      I am laughing so hard that the chickadees stopped eating seeds. This is SO funny! Yet another unforeseen advantage of Trenary Toast. Loved your comment.

  27. Brenda Hardie says:

    Loved this post Kathy!! I clicked over and read Linda’s post too and low and behold when I saw the picture of the toast I knew it for sure!! My Grama Esther used to love a similar toast called “rusk”…it looked exactly like your Trenary Toast…she preferred the cinnamon variety but I liked the plain. She used to dunk it in her coffee and I dunked mine in my hot chocolate (before my days as a coffee drinker). This toast was also used often for teething babies…by the time they gnawed on it with all their infamous spit and drool (:)) the toast was mushy enough to swallow with no worry of choking. I’m not sure if it’s till around though…haven’t even looked. Will have to look next time I’m out getting groceries 🙂
    And oooooo dried Michigan cherries!!! Yummmm ♥ My Dad had introduced me to them years ago and I love them! Now I’m really wanting a roadtrip to the UP….would have to for sure stop at the Jampot too for muffins and jam 🙂 ♥

  28. Helpppppppppppppppppppp….where is Brenda?

    • Kathy says:

      I’m sorry, Linda. Brenda doesn’t exist. tee hee…

      • You know, you are truly a terrorist with words and actions i.e. repeatedly clicking that “like” button…. I am going to hide right now because I know Brenda is probably comin round da corner looking for me with some unknown culinary treat in a crunched up box with lots of stamps!

        • Kathy says:

          **innocent grin. Who? Moi?**

          • Yup….
            I know how to drive…even in snow….daughter in Boston…lets me drive my grandson on sunny days with snowbanks on either side…those are sterling qualifications.
            This means I’ll find you.

            • Brenda Hardie says:

              shhhhh…I’m speaking in code while hiding “incognito” hehehe I don’t exist in blogland…just in commentland 🙂 lol oh and in facebookland 🙂

              • Oh, Commentland is just over the hill from Purpleborough and down the lane from Facebookland….around the curve from UP.

                Po and my little circus clowns (those WITH greasepaint) will get the little circus train out and we will be off to find you…the stars will guide us all the way to Hardieland and Drueland…

                “Don’t worry, they’re here” (Judy Collins)

                A clue! A clue!

                @Kathy…shhhh do not let on that this has developed into a book?

  29. laurabennet says:

    Well, I became really excited one day recently when I saw I had over a hundred views on my blog (three times the usual!), then I realized that it was probably Homeland Security checking me out since I had used the word terrorist…

    • Elisa's Spot says:

      hehehe too funny!!! psst who cares just LOOK at those numbers!! giggling….it’s a giggly kind of morning

    • Kathy says:

      That is funny, Laura! So that’s why my hits were high the day I posted this… They were On to Us. Were you scared? Did you use the word “terrorist” on all subsequent blogs thinking you now had the secret code for blogging success? **grin**

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