Mean-hearted comments

Heart

I have such trouble figuring out people who can make mean comments.

People who write or speak from their anger, their frustration, their fighting spirit.

People who use their tongue or pen to maim, injure, destroy.

I usual react the opposite, knowing how fragile our spirits can be.  The human being often needs careful loving, gentle handling.  Some people call that “coddling the ego”, but I think kindness goes further to reconcile us than knives and guns and negative tongues.

We’re all perfect the way we are–AND we need to change a little.  That’s one of the paradoxes of life.  We are magnificent personalities exploring this existence on a blue and green spinning planet–and we are also egos attempting to create something new, something different.  We’re both embracing life and pushing it away.

We’re sometimes as vulnerable as we are self-confident.  We’re sometimes  as weak as we are strong.  We have many sides to us, sometimes conflicting sides.  Some of us try to work on and change the sides we don’t like; others of us try to embrace ourselves as the contradictions we are–multi-faceted human being shining with light and dappled with shadow.

Who among us is perfect?  Only in the sense of our imperfect perfection do we attempt to share, to love, to sing, to dance, to write, to wash dishes, to walk to the mailbox.

We usually know our weaknesses.  If we’ve sat gently with them for days or years or decades, we sometimes also know the strengths which balance the weaknesses.  We know why the weakness birthed, and sometimes we can even see how to resolve it–although that may take years and years to resolve–although, Grace willing, sometimes a weakness can be illuminated and resolved by the end of a long paragraph.

An angry person arrived at my doorstep sometime during last night’s slumber and vented.  Told me what was wrong with me and this blog, in no uncertain terms.  Told me what I supposed to be, how I was supposed to write.  Wanted me to be better, different, less, more, something other than what was appearing.

“I don’t want to be mean,” the comment ended, but by then my heart lay broken in two pieces and tears threatened the edges of this world.  The person refused to dignify the comment with a name, a face, someone personal with which to respond, a real email, a chance for dialogue and reconciliation.

I had a funny blog prepared about Madame Katrinka’s Fabulous Healthy Granola–or something utterly silly–which created peals of laughter yesterday when creating it–but now I felt small and inadequate and insecure (all confidence drained away, so quickly, by a single angry reader!) and I methodically ditched anything humorous, anything crazy, anything zany, anything silly, and wrote a serious cooking post which could have been written by any anonymous lover of apple concentrate granola.

In other words–I was shamed and silenced by this anger, this mean-spirited diatribe.

No wonder people contain themselves into small lifeless receptacles, attempting to be other than their wild & precious multi-faceted selves.  No wonder why we become civilized, cultured, attempting to fit in.  So many of us fear that by standing up to our uniqueness we’ll be ridiculed, despised, detoured, decimated.

We also fear that the mean-hearted has seen our secret scars, our inadequacies, and we’re afraid that he or she might be right, that we are somehow less than, wrong, mistaken.

I am brushing off the two broken pieces of this red heart and glueing them back together with some gentle murmurings of love, some soft palms, a lot of hugs.

“Do not be hurt by the world, oh heart,” I whisper.  “Or, rather, do not fear being broken again and again and again.  Because love repairs all wounds and harsh words.  Love builds endlessly.  Bless the mean-spirited person, bless his or her own broken heart, may he or she find the loving salve needed to build up instead of destroy, to create peace rather than war.”

About Kathy

I live in the middle of the woods in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. Next to Lake Superior's cold shores. I love to blog.
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144 Responses to Mean-hearted comments

  1. Oh dear 😦 You know what to do and how to handle such comments. But it is hurtful, yes. Sometimes I choose not even to read such comments. But it is brave to do so, and brave to keep loving and to choose to bless. It is the path of life and light.

    • Kathy says:

      Hi, Nicole, it was a hurtful way to wake up today. But, yes, we’ve had to learn how to handle these kinds of comments over the years. I would have preferred to dialogue with him/her, to find a common ground. It felt wrong that he/she wouldn’t even leave a name. But that would have taken courage. Thank you, friend.

  2. Fountainpen says:

    I have come to believe that those who are critical of others are far more critical of themselves…..it does not take the hurt out of what they say, but allows me to put it safely outside myself where I can look at it and discuss it with others and get on with my own caring and my own watching that I do not imitate the critical person.

    Fountainpen

    • Kathy says:

      I so agree with you, Fountainpen. Their hurt is sometimes so huge–and that is why they act out the way they do. I don’t want to become reactive like that, hurtful. Your way of dealing with these situations sounds loving and true.

  3. Reggie says:

    Goodness, Kathy. That is shocking and hurtful. I cannot imagine who of your loving, compassionate, funny, caring readers would vent in such a way.

    I am soo sorry, dearest friend-from-the-UP. Please do not cease writing. You are an absolute treasure and a delight to read. Your words touch us so deeply, so often, it would be a profound loss to have your light dimmed. Please continue shining and glowing!

    • Kathy says:

      I don’t think it was one of the loving, compassionate, funny, caring readers, Reggie! 🙂 Grin. You’ve made me smile. I won’t quit writing–and I won’t let this dim any light–although I already have plans for another wee break due to Barry’s upcoming knee surgery. Thanks for YOUR shining & glowing too and for all your postcards from around the U.S.

  4. Robin says:

    Oh Kathy. *Hugs* I’m so sorry that someone has harmed you with harsh words. Sending lots of virtual hugs your way…

    • Kathy says:

      It did feel so hurtful, Robin. I was stunned into tears. Not wanting to believe what he/she said…seeing a tiny bit of truth in it…but not the Real more compelling truth… Thank you. You are a good hugger.

  5. susanblake says:

    Dearest One,
    Do NOT let this criminal steal away your joy or confidence! I use the word criminal intentionally. This “I don’t want to me mean” b.s. is just that. Often we become – or act – in ways we keep saying we do not want just from the sheer focus on it. Criminals take your stuff because they have none of their own – and they don’t usually leave their names at the scene of the crime.

    You may have been (temporarily ONLY) robbed of your joy and confidence but rest assured that karma is a bitch and someone will shoot the bastard for future crimes eventually. 🙂
    Love and hugs
    SuZen

    • Kathy says:

      “Shoot the bastard for future crimes”!!! Oh my goodness, that does not sound like a Zen SuZen. Ha ha. (You made me laugh.) My joy and confidence were only momentarily busted, sweetheart, thanks to sweet souls like you who encourage and cheer. I wish he/she had left his/her name. Sigh. It was hard to feel like a drive-by shooting with no recourse. (Except to blog about it!)

  6. bonnie says:

    Kathy, I am sorry that those mean words brought your spirit down, even for a moment. You bring smiles and joys to so many with your words and pictures. My heart hurts for you, because I too have felt the arrows of words, meant to pull down, rather than build up. So sad. At least I knew who was saying the words, and perhaps that helped a bit in the healing process, for mean words can cut very deep, and scars remain, even if you choose to forgive. Keep doing what you are doing, and being who you are, a gift, a special gift to those of us whose spirits are raised when we read your words. Blessings.

    • Kathy says:

      Bonnie, thank you. The arrows of words can hurt mightily. Can make us want to quit using them, to dry up, to pull away. I am glad that you found a way to meet the healing process and that your scars are healing. I appreciate your kindness. I appreciate that you might get even a teeny tiny moment of joy from my silliness and smiles and thoughts and…you know, life. Blessings to you…

  7. John Lindahl says:

    Sad you are feeling down about someone’s overly harsh and critical comments. You are a wonderful writer and journalist and deserve only the highest praise. Your positive essays are needed by me to help remind me of the important events and experiences in life’s journey. Thank You

    • Kathy says:

      Dear John, those words are kind healing balm-words, soft and positive. I am glad you could see the positive in me and this blog–and not the negative (which I am sure is here, oh yes, it’s in all of us…) Thank you again. And again.

  8. I am learning something. The people who write hurtful comments, or words full of hate either hate themselves or are afraid. What do they fear? They fear voices like yours, who have the courage to be themselves. They fear that because they don’t have that themselves. They follow the mean-hearted throng and will not be satisfied until they crush everyone who has found the secret of being content and happy with life. I feel sorry for people like that. I hope that tomorrow you post the post that made you laugh. We can all use more laughter. And I hope that you keep writing whatever you want to write, and sharing the wonderful person that is you with the rest of us. We are blessed because you give so much. The mean-spiriteded naysayers will never feel that blessing.

    • Kathy says:

      Lisa, I think you are right. There is something in us humans that so often fears being ourselves. We are scared of it. And we lash out at others who may have the courage to be ourselves. But who knows? Maybe he/she saw a weakness in me and pounced like a tiger to point it out. I laughed so much at yesterday’s post–but something in me thought it was a little-too-crazy. Who knows, maybe he saved me from supreme embarrassment! (The post is gone, nixed.) But your words I think are healing words, pointing toward what’s possible for all of us to embrace–our true selves. Thank you.

  9. There’s also a vast difference between constructive criticism and flaming. Sounds like this guy was the latter. Sorry to hear you had to deal with such a flat out mean response, and well done for dealing with them as you did, Oh, and keep writing! 🙂

    • Kathy says:

      He/she certainly wasn’t constructive. (Although I have been told I am ultra-sensitive, so perhaps she/he meant to be constructive?) It felt mean this morning. It felt weepy-sad. I thank you for your kindness, and your encouragement.

  10. This breaks MY heart to hear that someone could be so cruel to another human being!! 😦 Everyone has the right to speak their mind. I have NEVER read anything in your blog that was in any way shape or form hurtful towards someone else, so I have no idea why someone would say such things!! This individual must have some other issues in their own life right now… and they lashed out at someone without thinking. Your blog is perfect just the way it is – you keep going just the same way you’re going with it!! ♥

    • Kathy says:

      Oh, Holly, you are a pearl. A peach! I think he/she thought I was overly obsessed with hits and fame, and made disparaging remarks about my “thousands” of followers and it went on and on and on, and I felt so small and wrong. He/she undoubtedly has issues–don’t we all?–and I wish him the best success in overcoming any of his/her obstacles. It was a hard way to wake up, but don’t we grow from these things? Don’t we find ways to let go, and open our hearts, if we can?

  11. sakredkow says:

    My daughter was recently verbally mauled by some stranger. What I wanted or hoped for her was that she not feel like a victim by this act of (psychic) violence. Nobody can protect themselves completely – it’s a part of living.
    What I have found personally helpful in this way is to see such attacks in a completely nonpersonal way. It’s a significant challenge for me but it’s so useful. I find other meanings in such attacks then, and they seem to help become a better, stronger, more loving warrior (at war against my self-importance only).
    I am learning to genuinely thank my enemies. They teach things about myself I can’t learn from anyone or anyplace else.
    Please don’t take this as a “you-should-do-this” response. I’m certain you will be fine and you know what to do. It’s only my attempt to share something of myself.
    Good wishes.

    • Kathy says:

      I am so sorry your daughter experienced this. She is lucky to have you as an advocate, helping her to deal with it. You are right about looking at such attacks–if we can–in a non-personal way. Learning and growing from them. I am trying to do this with this morning’s moment of sorrow. To let go of self-importance, and to move into easy loving strength. Thank you for pausing and commenting.

  12. Kira says:

    Life is too short for us to allow people who hate, who are cruel, who seek to tear down a true place in our lives. We must stive to rise above them, to leave them behind us forgotten in the joy of our own lives and the lives of those around us.

    That is our vengeance, that is our victory. To refuse to give them any power over us.

    • Kathy says:

      We MUST strive to rise above this! Oh, Kira, you are so right. I believe we must feel fully what arises, and then release it. That is the gift we can give the word. Thank you for your wisdom and sharing.

  13. Lori DiNardi says:

    Oh my. I’ll let you in on a little secret, (I tend to blame this on my Italian background because it’s in my genes, but my excuses don’t matter) … when someone hurts someone I care about, my first thought is, “Give me their name. I’ll take care of it.” Hee, hee, that’s my “fighting nature.”

    More seriously, on my journey of being a work-in-progress, there is a little something I learned about myself and human nature. I will use myself in the analogy: There can be 100 people in a room, and 99 of them could tell me they love my blog and can’t live without reading it every day. The one person left could tell me it stinks and I should just give it up altogether. I’d sulk away and seriously consider what the one person told me to do. Never mind those 99 people who told me they can’t live without it.

    What would you say to me if I took the advice of the 1 person out of 100? Say that to yourself now Miss Kathy. You are the only blog I subscribe to that has this many readers and commenters. When I come here, I make sure I have time to sit down and soak in your words and photos just the way you’ve been presenting them all along. I look forward to it.

    Hugs & Blessings to you.

    • Kathy says:

      Man, Lori, why is it so that we can have 99 people telling us we’re cool–and one person telling us that we stink–and we dissolve in tears? Hey, that’s just crazy! (Yep, I’m–sniff–crazy for taking the words of that one above the words of the 99.) But I feared that he/she might be a little bit right. I am so grateful that people more often find the good in what they perceive, and not the weakness. I am grateful for your hugs and blessings. Truly thanking you.

      • Lori DiNardi says:

        Hey girl, you were freshly pressed. You must be doing something right. (remind me to ask you how a girl gets freshly pressed one of these days 😉 ) What’s so great about the internet is that it seems (so far) to be the only place left with true freedom. If someone doesn’t like my blog, they are free to move on to another. I’m not going to sensor myself to please anyone’s taste.

        BTW, was this a blog commenter that was snarky? I’ve heard the snarks can leak in on occasion. I fear that coming myself.

        • Kathy says:

          Lori, Freshly Pressed is a Mystery. You can’t figure it out. You may THINK you can figure it out, but the gods are playing cards and they throw an ace and one of the gods points at a blog and says “THAT ONE” and the WordPress lackey grabs it and promotes it. There are a hell of a lot of good–great–blogs that never get publicized.

          As for snarky, I’ve never heard about snarky. I kind of thought this person was an idealist who wanted me to be–maybe–a certain kind of simple blogger, certainly not a wild & changeable chameleon who refuses to follow the status quo. But I’m making up my own stories…

  14. Goodness, Kathy, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I can’t even imagine what could possibly have been even remotely “offensive.” I love your response, however. I truly do. You are dear. You are perfect just the way you are–just the way we all are.
    Hugs to dear friend,
    Kathy

    • Kathy says:

      Man oh man, Kathy, this really blind-sided me this morning! It was as if a nightmare leapt into the computer! Tee hee…we keep reminding ourselves of our innate perfection, don’t we? We’re the first to beat ourselves up–unless someone outside us tries to. Sometimes I think external souls appear to mirror any negative thoughts we have about ourselves. OK, I’ll take the hug…thank you…and here’s one back.

  15. Heather says:

    Oh Kathy! Don’t this venting soul get to you. (Remember what I say about those whose opinions you can’t respect anyway…) Not all the world gets you – nor me, nor anyone else – but *we* get you, and we *love* you! I wish that the commenter hadn’t hurt your feelings and made you question your humor, but I’m glad you posted this blog today. I’m sure it will help someone heal. Also, I hope next time that you post your silly, funny, happy cooking post. Or not. Whatever *you* decide, because after all, it’s YOUR blog, and we all visit willingly 🙂 **hugs**

    • Kathy says:

      You are so wise, Heather. Not all the world gets us. Isn’t that true? Why do we want ALL of the world to get us, anyway? I’ve always been way too sensitive–thought I’d grown up by now. (And you know what–that’s why I post a blog like this. Because so many of us feel the same way. So many of us have been hurt. If these words can reach another hurting person out there, than this incident didn’t happen in vain.) Hugs back, sweetie.

  16. lisaspiral says:

    You certainly have done nothing to deserve to be treated like that. Your blog is a loving, positive and joyful contribution to my days. I had a friend who once asked me why I cared so much what people I didn’t even respect thought about me. An anonymous and vitriolic post is only worth what it serves to see your supporters rally. Your last blessing is more truly reflective of your work than anything nasty someone might have said. You go girl!

    • Kathy says:

      Lisa, thank you. Thank you, spiral-friend. I guess part of me didn’t know whether this was someone I respected or not? It could have been. It’s lovely to see this much support and love…and I am fortunate that my heart truly does bless the nay-sayer. You go, too, girl!

  17. Colleen says:

    Oh Kathy, I am so sorry this happened but I am also so glad you shared your response to this. As I read your words, my heart opens for all of us who are sharing this human experience, to our uniqueness, our tenderheartedness, our precious selves. Thank you for this. Love you….

    • Kathy says:

      Dear Ms. Colleen, oh we are sharing this human experience! All of us with our uniqueness and tender hearts… it felt absolutely right to write this, to let the passion speak to others who were suffering today or yesterday or tomorrow. We’re all in this together, one heart! **Love you immensely**

  18. I would like to say something about that “hater”….if you don’t like Kathy’s blog…why spend your time reading it? there is absolutely no need to write hurtful words about Kathy or her blog if you don’t like it. simply move on and find something else that fits your bubble. Don’t try tearing someone down because your torn. How about you build her up instead of tear her down. You’d be amazed at what that can do. In fact, if you try building someone up, you will see how much GOOD that will do for not only the person but for yourself too!
    Kathy! You are truly a writer! Don’t let someone whose hurting hurt you. You know what they say “Hurt people, hurt people.” All we can do is what you did, Bless that person!… and pray Love into their lives! =D

  19. Zoma says:

    Please know that you have many happy readers. I agree with all of the other comments that have been posted. This is your blog and we are fortunate that you are willing to share a bit of your life with us. As my mom used to tell me, “Consider the source,” and the person who upset you didn’t identify him/herself, so that means this “source” is NOTHING. Keep up the good work. I enjoy your blog. Hugs from a friend in Minnesota.

    • Kathy says:

      Dear Zoma, guess what? My mom used to say “Consider the source” too! I only couldn’t consider the source so I thought he/she was SOMETHING–but you really tell it like it is. If we can’t consider the source–he/she is NOTHING. Excellent1 Thank you, Minnesota friend. It is good to meet you, Zoma.

  20. Elisa's Spot says:

    Laughing and thinking about lying down, laughing, trying to be that broken down person imaged in the perceptions and dictations of the commenter. Thinking of this Chat name that I have –Ladymood, for those who think they might know me and create me loud and clear with letters, strokes, and voice.

    And I twirl around a moment for them to see me and then…
    I fling me down upon the ground–i bet they think I might cry and cow
    and i burst into flames and smoke and I rise up into the sun
    and again
    become
    ME!!

    this sort of thing can remind me, perhaps too often, of all of the mirrors, sometimes any hurt I have, i think it is me and then sometimes I have pity for that part of me which no longer is so often anymore, and perhaps a small bit of shame for the person I may have been, and then gratitude that in this moment I do not have to be.

    • Kathy says:

      Elisa–thank you for sharing. Life is a hall of mirrors, isn’t it? And aren’t we a bit of everything, so many facets of humanity? I felt shame this morning for not being the perfect blogger I could have been. Right now this heart just feels more open.

  21. wendymc12 says:

    Hi Kathy,
    Your blog is wonderful. I’m so sorry to hear that you have had anything negative come your way. I love the articles you have posted as well as the look of your blog. Stay strong!! Looking forward to future posts.

    Wendy M. 🙂

    • Kathy says:

      Dear Wendy, your words mean a lot. I guess we all have to deal with negative stuff sometimes. Darn it! I am thrilled that you like both the content & look of this blog! Blessings to you.

  22. Elisa's Spot says:

    back with more thoughts….

    dancing backwards now swinging an old dog at my butt

    wishing eloquent stories and blogs and articles to pour forth from complainant’s mind and fingertips, creative expression to their own style and perfect expression, perfect satisfaction from within shown blazing to the outside

    weaving one love into another
    dancing

  23. Don’t make me come up there!

    If you change one itty-bitty, teeny-tiny thing about you or the way your write I’ll have to travel from the Crystal Lake, Illinois up to God’s country and iron the wrinkles out of your fabric. And trust me young lady, you don’t want that 🙂

    • Kathy says:

      I had to laugh while I did dishes after reading your comment. I do believe you WOULD come driving up here to “iron the wrinkles out of my fabric.” No, no, stay home–I’ll be fine by sunset. LOL!

  24. debyemm says:

    My youngest went to bed angry with me for waking him to brush his teeth. We were all very tired after a 3-day, 2-night, 34 mile float down the Jack’s Fork River in mid-southern Missouri. He’s still mad at me this morning; and I got this message today from “The Universe” that probably applies to these thoughts in your blog as well (“kindness goes further to reconcile us than”) –

    Always, Deborah, kindness prevails. No matter how things appear, nor how humbling a task, nor how unkind they’ve been.

    Always,
    The Universe

    PS – Pretty simple strategy, huh, Deborah?

    And right now I’m thinking kindness in my situation means letting him get over his disappointment that our trip had an end. Yeah, it was that good for us as a family; and his first where it all really came together to put him one notch more grown-up (almost 8 yrs old) and in his happy element.

    • Kathy says:

      Deb, I hope your youngest is no longer angry. I hope that the Universe offered concepts that you could apply and help heal. Always kindness prevails… Yes. Oh, Yes, dear Universe. Your son and this angry/disappointed person were upset about something. May they both find a place of ease and happiness today… (Don’t you love it when the Universe offers multiple confirmations?)

      • debyemm says:

        In no time we were sharing smiles and loving each other again. I’m still tired, he’s still tired. He would have napped (I caught him moments from it but there is always too much going on in this tiny one-room cabin of a farmhouse for such luxuries – we either all sleep or don’t – unless, and this happens with me sometimes, we are tired enough to sleep through anything). He needed time though, to be left alone, until he settled into a happier mood, on his own.

        As to your feelings and the person – everyone has said it so well here already; but sometimes we need the reassurance of reading it – over and over and over again. It’s not always easy being so well-loved. Someone who isn’t feeling all that love – resents that you are being bathed in it; and so, he/she lashed out. It was never about you but about them; but then, you already know that now . . . no need really for me to say.

        Loved Elisa’s happy go lucky dance tripping through it all. What a hoot !!!

        • Kathy says:

          Glad all is well in your little cabin in the woods. I wish this much love for everyone! We all deserve it! Sorry to have missed your call. Hope you had a good time in St. Louis.

  25. Val says:

    All I want to say is HUGS, and remember you have friends who care about you, myself included.

  26. forestfae says:

    Please dont ever be shamed or silenced by someone so mean-spirited dear Kathy.
    You touch so many peoples hearts on a daily basis with your kind and thoughtfull and always gentle posts.

    The ‘one-who-must-not-be-named’ (and yes the person might very well be a Voldemort type bully..hehe) deserves a cold and clammy toad thrown down the neck of his or her shirt, ha!

    xx

    • Kathy says:

      Thank you for thinking that, dear forestfae. I never thought of this person as a Voldemort bully but now that you mentioned it! Ha ha, I would never throw a toad down his/her shirt. The toad would instead come and kiss him/her and turn him/her into a sweetheart with a golden glowing heart, never to be dimmed again. xxo!

      • forestfae says:

        Yep, a big old slimy toady slobbery slurrrrrp of a kiss. That will teach them! 🙂
        We should patent it and call it the ‘Toadslobber cure for black-heart disease’.

  27. Gerry says:

    I have an image for you. It’s the beginning of summer. You are down on the lakeshore. You pull off your boots and socks (c’mon, it’s Michigan) and step onto the hot sand. You do the ouch-ouch-ouch dance down to water’s edge, step onto that band of rocks, do the OUCH dance, step at last onto the sandy bottom, ahhhh . . . and a few weeks later your tootsies will be all conditioned and you won’t even notice how cold the lake is.

    • Kathy says:

      G-g-gerry, the trouble with this image is th-th-this: I NEVER get used to icy cold Lake Superior! Ever! My mother keeps insisting that all normal folks get used to it–she’s been insisting this for years–but I am always wimping it, ouching and dancing and freezing and never getting properly conditioned. On one hand–it’s always new. On the other hand–you can’t quite condition yourself. I try. Really hard. And perhaps your words will be the final grace to make it so. Thank you.

  28. forestfae says:

    A heartfelt song for you, Kathy. the person that belittled you might want to listen to this too:

    • Kathy says:

      I love this song–thank you, thank you! All we are is dust in the wind… a good reminder… heartfelt & healing.

      • forestfae says:

        My pleasure, life is so very brief at most, much nicer to spend it aware of others feelings and being mindfull of hurting others uncalled for.xx

  29. Elaine Rae says:

    Thank you for sharing Kathy … I just stumbled upon your blog recently and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed reading your blog posts. I don’t always comment, but I do read the comments from your friends ********** warm (((hugs))) from bonnie Scotland.
    Blessed Be/Blessings …

    This quote says it all for me …

    Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and consciencious stupidity. Martin Luther King, Jr.

    also agree with “forestfae re-toad, ha ha!

    • Kathy says:

      You even like the silly blogs, Elaine? I feel so silly posting them sometimes. But the internal little comedian has been loving that I am giving her permission to be funny, or at least laugh when writing them! I appreciate that you paused and shared these words, and, gosh, Martin Luther King was a gem, wasn’t he?

  30. Kala says:

    Whoever they are they’re not only wrong, but cowardly for not leaving their contact information. I say Ignore them and move on. You are MUCH better than them.

    • Kathy says:

      By the time I get through these comments, Kala, I am going to be SO mature that a negative comment will never ever bother me again. (lol…we hope…) Thank you!

  31. john says:

    Mr. or Ms. Discontent, a Blog is someplace we choose to go, because we like it there. No one is holding a gun to your head to read this blog. There are so many places in the internet universe why don’t you, just go somewhere else. We like it here and if it evolves we want it to be a freewill choice of Kathy’s. We like Kathy and we like what she writes.

    I truly hope by coming to your house in the middle of the night you are referring to an anonymous comment or a pseudonymous email account and not paper stuck in your door. If that is the case you may want to get some motion detecting camp cameras for outside.

    • Kathy says:

      Dear John, Hey I know who you are In Person! You are so right–it was not a middle-of-the-night visitor outside the door. It was an anonymous comment delivered into my unsuspecting email box where I would yelp and sniffle in dismay upon opening. Perhaps the poor fella (fella-ina?) thought I was something other than I am–an imperfect person trying to shine in this sometimes imperfect world. Just trying to be myself, whatever the heck that means. Let’s eat fish fry again sometime, eh?

  32. There are people out there who think their words don’t hurt. I’ve never understood the reasoning behind leaving a mean-spirited comment on someone’s blog. The only thing I can figure is they need to feel good about themselves and putting someone else down seems to do the trick. The fact that they didn’t put a name on their words only tells me they are a coward and are not worthy of your attention. Don’t let one person’s negativity bring you down. You and your blog are so much better than that! 🙂

    • Kathy says:

      C.B, gosh, there must be people like that. I would have thought about publishing their comment IF they had put a name with it. I am doing better since morning, thank you…it felt important to write about it and let it go. Another’s negativity can not hold me down for long! Blessings.

  33. irenelefort says:

    A coward is what this person is, hiding behind the cloak of annonymity. I read a post once, where the blogger called such people trolls. I think he is right. They are mean-spirited creatures. We love you just the way you are. I find your writing style refreshing and inspiring. Cyberhug!

    • Kathy says:

      Darn those trolls. (Although we must say that really quietly up here in the Upper Peninsula because some people call folks who live beneath the Mackinac bridge in the Lower Peninsula of Michigan”trolls”. I wouldn’t do that, tee hee) G;ad you like the style of writing and aren’t annoyed by it.

  34. Brenda Hardie says:

    Oh my dear Kathy this totally stinks! My heart feels the pain and sorrow and tears are squeezing from my eyes (I’m trying to hide them so I can type). I know ALL TOO WELL how a person’s words can hurt! I spent 23 years with a person who promised before God and everyone to love me forever and that VERY NIGHT demonstrated that his idea of “love” was WAY DIFFERENT from mine! But in my shame and naivete’, I stuck it out…thinking he would change…he would “grow up”. Ha! Some people just have a mean streak…they don’t see it as mean…to them it’s just pointing out reality, facts. I think it’s toxic behavior and it’s manipulative and what works for me (and man oh man did it take a LONG LONG time to learn this!) is to disconnect myself from the hurtful words. We ARE our words, so it is just a glimpse of who this person is. Lori hit it on the head (as far as how I am) yep…that one person’s hurtful words out of the 100 praising words, would get under my skin. Just as one mean-spirited comment within a conversation of 100 loving, compassionate comments, would as well. I haven’t figured out why I am so dang sensitive! I cannot be a hard-hearted person either, so somewhere there has to be a healthy, happy, middle ground. And in the meantime, I wrap a cocoon of loving protection around myself (as best I can anyway) and let the nasty words roll off. But dang it…some still wiggle their nasty selves in and my heart breaks anew. So, I pray…I pray to my Father God and He removes the hurt and helps me move on. I pray for the mean-spirited person that his/her heart is softened and will not be so hard and closed anymore. That’s all I can do. Kathy I love you…I love your writing, I love your photography, I love the life you live…I love the very essence of who you are as a woman.
    Yep..I also agree with forestfae…stick a cold clammy toad down their shirt! And I want to say thanks to Laurie!! I LOVE what she said to you…reminds me of some very dear women in my life! ♥

    • Kathy says:

      Brenda, I am so sorry you have been through so much meanness. I too hope that God will remove the hurt and help you to move on. It can be so challenging…so very challenging. You are a survivor. And you have the biggest heart. Your essence is precious indeed, and I know so many appreciate you deeply. I know I do!

  35. I’m so sorry this happened to you, Kathy. I agree with those above who pointed out that someone who lashes out to hurt others and hides behind anonymity is a coward. I love that your heart is so open to share your painful experience here, Kathy. Sending you tender, comforting *hugs* and much love, my dear friend… You are an extraordinary blogger! ♥

    (If my mother was here she would suggest to you that jealousy might be a factor as a motive for the spewing forth of cruel words.)

    • Kathy says:

      Barbara, I think it’s sometimes more important–or just as important–to share painful experiences, as those help us all when we’re going through similar challenges. Some of the things that the “mean commenter” said did leave me to believe that jealousy may have been a factor. He/she repeatedly referenced the “thousand” followers. Thank you, dear friend.

  36. P.j. grath says:

    Someone had a really bad day, I’m guessing, and passed it on to you. Hope yours wasn’t as bad as–his? hers? Cruelty is hurtful enough, but anonymous cruelty–is it worse? I started to say it was and then thought of hurts from friends and think I’d rather have the anonymous kind! I hope you saved the funny piece you were working on before the hurtful comment came. We all love your spontaneity and sense of humor, Kathy! XXXOOO

    • Kathy says:

      What an interesting thought about anonymous cruelty versus cruelty from friends. They are both challenging–but in different ways. We would so like to put a face on meanness. But then maybe we wouldn’t! I did not save the funny piece. I axed it in a moment of shame, alas. Shame on me! Although, you know, it might have been “over the edge”…

  37. Karma says:

    I am just stunned that someone would choose to vent anger and nastiness on you. And then be such a coward to not leave a name. Since I’ve read your blog I’ve known you only to provide words of encouragement, humor, grace and love. I’m a sensitve type, and I recently felt the sting of a comment of opinion that was very blunt about my photography and I was a little hurt, but I’m not letting it bother me any more – I was at least able to sort it out with the commenter. Hopefully, you’ll be able to leave this mean comment behind too – especially after this outpouring support here today in your comments! Wow!

    • Kathy says:

      Coward! LOL, Karma, thank you, sweetie. How dare anyone say ANYTHING slightly mean about your photographs? You ROCK! I love every one of your photos, the little photo-children. Luckily, I woke up on the right side of bed today. Thanks to all you guys!

  38. Karma says:

    Hey, by the way, as I am typing this comment you have 200,002 hits! Congrats! 🙂

    • Kathy says:

      Dear Karma, thank you! I am now going to be mature and not care about hits ever again! There are much more important things to care about–like writing and you sweet guys.

  39. Joanne says:

    Now I feel anger, an emotion which I try to stear away from. It’s defensive anger, an anger that wants to defend you and yell back at this nameless, faceless coward on your behalf. Don’t they realise that if they don’t like what you write, then don’t read it? I suppose you’ll never know, unless they wish to respond to the comment section of this post – and identify themselves!

    You do know that they are simply jealous of you, don’t you? Why else do people lash out at others? All we can do is send out a prayer for them, in the hope that whatever it is that has made them so miserable, will change; that they will realise the error of their ways and apologise to you. You deserve an apology.

    Kathy, I love you just the way you are! Don’t take anything to heart that this cruel person has said. Let all of your friends here lick your wounds for you, hug you deeply and make you feel like the same amazing Kathy that WE all love. You are very brave to write this post today. (((Oh, here’s another huge hug))) xxxxxx

    • Kathy says:

      Awww Joanne, you are so sweet. (I do suspect he/she might have been envious due to some of the comments they made. I have sent a prayer and today my anger and sadness is all washed away. Strange, I am usually sad easier than angry…) Thank you for saying I was brave. Just trying to be true and honest…. So appreciate YOU, too!

  40. Susan D. says:

    Awwwww …. I’m sorry, Baby Girl. So hurtful; stinging. You write so well about all of it. How often others dismiss us, too, with the flippant comment that we’re overly sensitive… which only adds to the hurt. Thinking of you and loving you.

    • Kathy says:

      I am smiling at the Baby Girl comment, Susan. I can feel your empathy from across the bay. It was a rough day yesterday–all the way til evening–but today I feel free and grateful and happy. Thanks a hundred fold for all your support.

  41. Kathy, your blog is brilliant! You’re awesome! Don’t stop because of one silly person 🙂 Just be yourself, because everyone else likes that.

  42. Brenda Hardie says:

    200,063 hits Kathy!! That speaks loudly of the number of people who love what you have to say! ♥ WooHooo!! Congratulations honey!

    • Kathy says:

      This person suggested that I was perhaps giving myself hits, Brenda. Ha ha–guess he/she doesn’t know about WordPress. They never count views from your own computers, thank goodness. It was a milestone…appreciate your congratulations…

  43. Michelle says:

    The trash button was created for assholes like that. Believe me, I know. On another blog I have an angry guy commented and actually called me a whore and the “c” word. Really, I was so shook up. Over a post I wrote? Sheesh. Anyway, support from people who appreciated me, which was the majority, as it is with you also, got me through. Like Steven Wright said in a concert I attended years ago: There’s always one asshole in the crowd. Don’t take it to heart…and press delete! Please. Love your writing Kathy.

    • Kathy says:

      I did put the comment in the trash, Michelle, after reading it six times. It’s actually still sitting in the WordPress trash, in case I want to read it a seventh time. But probably won’t. I am so sorry someone called you names. How terrible! No one deserves that. I would have been shook up over much less. Heartfelt hug, Michelle. And good advice!

  44. lucindalines says:

    Well this just ticks me off to hear that someone could do that to you. I have had horrible comments in my day, but not on my blog. They were when I was writing for a regular newspaper, and the comments were given to my family and the owners. I feel that people who don’t have the courage to tell you to your face, or in your case, with a name that you could follow, they are weak spineless jerks that don’t deserve our time of day. Now I have MY dander up. Hope you are better. I love what you write!!!!

    • Kathy says:

      So sorry to hear, Lucinda, that you were on the receiving end of mean comments at the newspaper. People SHOULD have the courage to tell us to our face. At least there’s a possibility of reconciliation then. Hope you’re calm and happy today, too, sweetie.

  45. Sybil says:

    Wow Kathy, I think THESE numbers (of comments) speak volumes.

    Deep breath. Inhale. Wooosh it out.

    You rock.

    • Kathy says:

      Meditation sure helps, Sybil! (Which is the same as breathing in and out and in and out and in and out, really deeply.) A walk helped last night, too! And you, my friend, Nova Scotia rock big time!

  46. I read the granola piece. Wow. Each of us have a voice, our own UNIQUE voice, and it shines through in our writing. Without it…. And I’ll leave it at that. I much prefer the you I’m used to reading. In this case,”More” is better. Your wit is welcomed by me every morning I get up and read your blog. It makes me laugh; it brightens my day. So keep it. Be you. (Which I know you’ll do anyway) But, if this hurtful person wants a dry, robotic, strictly professional sounding, anybody-could-type-it blog, then let them write it.

    • Kathy says:

      Yeah, I was kinda low-key with the granola voice, wasn’t I? **grin** But didn’t it sound MATURE? I am glad to make you laugh. But probably now I’ll start to write serious blogs and then everyone will run off or right mean comments complaining about the switcheroo. LOL. A thousand blessings to your own unique voice!

  47. …their own that is. That, or they need to hursh and keep such opinions to themselves.

  48. Grrr…why do people have to be such trolls? *sigh* I like your writing style, so don’t change a thing! 🙂

  49. Dawn says:

    *hugs* – you’re honesty reminds us to be kind and gentle in this fragile world. 200,000+ hits can’t be wrong. Be well lovely lady and keep up the good work.

    • Kathy says:

      Oh Dawn, I am so happy to see you here today. Thank you for jostling through the huggers to offer your own special hug, which I love. We are woman, hear us blog! (Can you tell I’m happy–being silly again…)

  50. Dawn says:

    Well this should make you feel better…you’re at 200,201 hits! Yesterday it seems like you were still about 200 away from 200,000 and now look at you! So there to the grumpy commenter! So there!

    • Kathy says:

      It kinda took the steamy excitement out of turning 200,000 didn’t it? Oh well, I’m happy today. Happy that you exist, and all these lovely people, too. Happy that you guys get something out of these words and sentences and paragraphs! Thank you, Dawn.

  51. Love's Thesaurus says:

    Kathy, I think I learned somewhere that “mean” doesn’t necessarily indicate “with malice,” but rather points to a narrowness or smallness of the heart which constricts LOVE *IN* and LOVE *OUT*. A sad state of affairs! Also a person can labor under the illusion that there is “perfection,” that they can recognize “perfection” and its lesser (less perfect) siblings, and that one is obliged to give voice to this set of observations. Personally, I wouldn’t choose to operate within those constraints if I had a choice. You Rock, Kathy! 🙂

    • Kathy says:

      Let’s have more love, Martha…let’s all quit constricting and keep opening up. I love when people are kind and allow for imperfection. But perhaps this person doesn’t allow for imperfection in him/herself. Not operating under these constraints either! (OK, not trying to.) Much love, my friend.

  52. Hi Kathy- your blog always brings a smile to my face. And once again, I appreciate your honest blog posts. Without them, I would never know that other bloggers, really good bloggers, sometimes receive comments that would have been better left unwritten AND that those comments don’t feel good to anyone, no matter how successful their blog is. I agree with your post and believe that your post speaks to both parties and anyone who’s ever written a less-than-kind comment will think twice before posting in the future. Thank you! Sincerely, Michelle

    • Kathy says:

      Hi, Michelle. It’s funny, this commenter kept telling me (among many things)–it was a long mean comment–that I was not being honest and blogging only for the crowd and hits. I hope that any time someone else gets a mean comment they will learn from this and perhaps be able to find solace knowing that many of us have been through this. I try to blog from an honest true part. It is good that you sense this, and that you shared. Best of luck blogging!

  53. The fact they didn’t put their name to it says it all

  54. elleberra says:

    I’m so sorry you got hit by a hateful commenter. It really sucks when folks do that….and they always tell you they don’t mean to be “mean”.

    And I’m wondering what exactly they did mean to be then. And why they did it if they didn’t “mean” to…lack of self control? Idiocy? What???

    • Kathy says:

      I don’t know, elle. It did really suck. I hope you haven’t had any experiences like this. And I hope you NEVER have any in the future. Thank you.

  55. UGH same thing happened to me a couple months ago. People ARE mean-spirited. I can’t even be in management because I hate confrontation. LOL. You are who you are. That’s it. You don’t have to answer to anyone and if they don’t like it, they don’t have to read. That’s the part I don’t get!

    Carry on and roll it off your back!

    • Kathy says:

      Gosh, I am sorry this happened to you. Confrontation can be so hard. I am wondering why they felt the need to tell me these hurtful things–instead of just signing out and unsubscribing and going there own way. And thank you–it’s rolled off my back, I’m pretty sure.

  56. rehill56 says:

    I love that there are 100 comments here now…and another one at present and nary a single negative one! Only love sent to you….from your readers. I have told my kids that sometimes life is like a salad bar when dealing with people and their opinions…. Take what you can use (criticism or help) and leave the rest!

    • Kathy says:

      I loved having tea with you this afternoon! It was great to finally get together and talk. (And an added bonus that you are a blog reader!) I like that salad bar quote. Helping myself to the fish and salad and brussels sprouts and–hey–some blue potatoes! Thanks again, Ruth.

      • rehill56 says:

        I really enjoyed our time together and getting to know you. I will be thinking of and praying for you both as you go into this week!

  57. flandrumhill says:

    Dearest,
    Don’t pay any mind to that anonymous commenter. It’s probably just Barry wanting you to give up blogging so that you can pay him more attention 😉

    Seriously, when this happens, what you have to do is hit the delete button, tell yourself to ‘snap out of it’ and move your thoughts IMMEDIATELY onto something else.

    • Kathy says:

      Ha ha ha, Amy-Lynn! Leave it to you to figure it was Barry wanting more attention!! I would believe you, but he went searching for the mean comment last night so he could read it. It’s still sitting in my WordPress “trash” button as I contemplate hitting the final delete button. Oh, and a walk last night–hours later–was the best possible medicine. We kids need to get outdoors. 😉

  58. Dana says:

    Dearest Kathy,
    I can’t imagine who in their right mind would ever want to hurt you at all. Your words bring such joy and comfort to me on an almost-daily basis, and it wounds my heart to know that somebody took advantage of your most kind spirit and sent an insecurity-derived diatribe your way. 😦
    It is easy for us to understand the motivations behind mean words with our minds. We know, for example, that the people who are cruel to others are usually suffering from abominably low self-esteem or destructively high self-loathing. Still. It doesn’t make it any easier for the soul to be on the receiving end of such words. Our hearts have reason that reason knows not… (to quote Pascal)
    I hope that you can find strength, confidence, joy, and laughter again in the words of EVERYONE ELSE who supports and loves you! Seriously. Your writing is a salve for me and so many others!
    xoxo,
    Dana

    • Kathy says:

      Awwwwwww, Dana…you are so wise! To think it’s possible to bring joy and comfort to anyone in our world… may I have your autograph? It was a rough day yesterday but today the air smells sweet and I had a blog reader over for tea and laughing conversation and it’s a good day to be alive. Hugs and some more xoxoxoxo’s… Thank you, sweet friend.

  59. I’m so sorry, Kathy 😦
    Some people seem to be mean for no other reason than to be mean. I’ve also come across commenters on other blogs who thought they could critize the blog owner (although they had no right to!) and where they COULD have done it in a nice way, they chose not to.

    Not sure how I would handle such a comment….might just delete it (or not approve it) if it’s by someone I don’t know. And if it’s by someone I do know, then there’s a chance my evil side will come out to play 😉

    • Oh btw. I have a little heart collection, and just added one in the same color as the one in your photo 🙂

      • Kathy says:

        I stared at the comment through tears for a while, and then “trashed” it in WordPress, but it’s still sitting in the trash for now, Michaela. I sincerely hope it never happens to you. If it does, I am sure you’ll handle it just fine, even though your evil side may play. Smile. Aren’t heart collections the best?

  60. sonali says:

    Oh my god! Kathy I truly can’t believe such a person commented something like this on your blog. Perhaps that person had a nervous crack or may be too jealous of the beauty of your blog. May that person learn to love and live life joyfully, may that persons mind be filled with peace. But, we have nothing to get affected by this right? we are good. Why should this type of message even bother us, lets move on dearie please smile.
    There are some people in this world who talk absolutely crap about others, who do not respect the others being. I wonder sometimes, why such minds exist. But its fine, coz that’s how we come know we are much better and loving people, is’nt it?

    • Kathy says:

      Thank you, Sonali. I don’t know if you read yesterday’s blog, but I am already smiling, and actually, today is an even better day than yesterday. (Must be all this good energy!) It felt important to share this with everyone–in case anyone else has this happen to them. And also so that we know we’re not alone and that bad things can happen to good people. Have a great weekend, my friend!

  61. Robin says:

    I left you a small gift on my blog yesterday. Don’t worry. It doesn’t involve blog awards. Just a flower or two. 🙂

  62. Barb says:

    Some people are so hurt in spirit that they can only inflict hurt upon others. I don’t even think it makes them feel better- it’s just all they know to do. I’m not excusing hurtfulness because I think it’s vile. Luckily, on the blog comments there is a buffer called delete. You know your worth, Kathy. Feel good in it – and use the delete key!

    • Kathy says:

      Barb, I haven’t learned to let go so quickly yet. I usually feel the sting for a few hours at least while staring puzzled and upset at the comment. I did delete this one into the trash after sending it to my daughter to see if she thought it was as awful as I did. She wrote back, “That was so mean, Mom.” It took about eight hours to get over it. After that–haven’t thought too much about it again.

  63. The Hook says:

    Sticks and stones, dear…
    Just shrug it off – or fight back at ten times the intensity!

    • Kathy says:

      Ha ha, sticks and stones! Haven’t heard that one for years. I wallowed for about eight hours and then shrugged it off completely. Thank you for your kind comment.

  64. I agree…sticks and stones….cannot imagine someone actually making a mean comment here of all places.

    • Kathy says:

      Well, the comment never made it into print cuz I trashed it, Linda. Sticks & stones can break our bones, but words can never hurt us… Sometimes I think words can hurt more than those bone-breaking physical actions. Sometimes…

Although I don't reply to every comment on every blog, I do read all comments with mesmerized interest and try to return the favor by visiting YOUR blog or at least sending you heartfelt well wishes.

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