Still pondering what isn’t spoken, what isn’t shared on our blogs and with casual acquaintances.
What don’t I share here?
What words aren’t uttered and why?
I spend most days deeply contemplating spiritual questions.
Looking at things deeper and deeper and still deeper.
It’s not enough for me to view the surface level. I want to know what is deeper than personality, what exists beneath our everyday consciousness.
Years and years of meditation have revealed that our perception of life is not what it seems. We are not what we seem. Years and years of witnessing actions, thoughts and feelings illuminate glimpses of what we *really are* beneath our projected selves.
That’s what interests this one the most. That’s what I am. That’s what means more than anything.
This blog–for me–has been mostly a fun release, a way of playing, in between and around and over and under the constant questioning, the attempt to realize the deeper essence of what we are.
Many people aren’t really interested in this. (And, gosh, who can blame them? It’s a deep underground well with many rushing streams and valleys and underworld mountains that lead to no answers at all. It’s the search for the Holy Grail. It can be agonizing. It can be joyful. It can be a very destructive process. It may even be a fruitless search. Yet some of us must search because there’s nothing else we can do… Something grabs us by our muzzle and we won’t be satisfied until we find what our inner self is seeking.)
In the end, of course, we know that Dorothy clicks her red heels and repeats, “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home.”
Home is revealed to be HERE, now, and the movement toward seeking was actually a movement away from what we really are.
In the meantime, I search. Every minute. Every hour. Every day. Perhaps “search” is the wrong word. I look. I notice. I question. I inquire. Every day.
“Who makes the coffee? Who writes the blog? Who am I? Who are you? Who does this? Who does that? What is true? What is real? What is imagined?”
Is it the personality that makes the coffee, writes the blog, deposits the taxes, goes to town?
One of the reasons I don’t share this is that it’s integral. Some people say: just relax, quit searching, don’t DO anything, gosh that sounds exhausting, you’re going about this wrong, you’re not who I thought you were, you THINK too much!
Others aren’t called in this way; they imagine inquiry would be stressful. Yet what feels stressful to me, so often, is living from habituated patterns of response. Living from within a constricted reactive way of relating to the world.
Others think they’re being helpful, but in the end we all have one life to live. (Inner voice: WHO has one life to live?)
I don’t necessarily want an answer in thoughts. I want an answer in feeling. In action. In knowing. In life. The questions must lead BEYOND questions…
I love that the questions often open to a deep place of unknowing, to a deep place of peace. The questions take one back home to an emptiness that is full of joy and contentment and enough-ness.
That is what I don’t share with you, day in and day out. That’s who I am. That’s what drives this one. That’s what is the most important thing.
What is the most important thing for you? What are you alive to discover?