Do you remember waiting for your date to arrive back in high school?
How you paced, how you fretted, how you secretly feared?
Do you remember waiting for your child, your sixteen year old, fresh with driver’s license in wallet, gone from your protective veil, gone, gone, into the night, and how you waited? Do you remember the way your heart palpitated, the way you imagined your child–no, even all these years later you can’t say it. You can’t imagine it. You just waited on the edge of agony for your child to come home, to be safe in your cocoon again.
Do you remember waiting for test results? How you waited, bravely putting up a face of calm, bravely hoping for the best? Do you remember how you couldn’t bear to think of dire scenarios (yet you did, oh you did). Oh the waiting agony! Oh the way you thought you couldn’t bear another minute, another hour, yet you did. Oh, yes you did.
Do you remember waiting for your children to grow up? Yet you never wanted them to grow up. You paced between wanting them to be successful–no, simply happy–and stay in their high chairs. You sniffled between wanting them to graduate from high school and continue nursing at your overflowing breast. You always wanted them to fly like eagles. You never wanted them to leave you. You’re still waiting for everything to be 100% in their world, simply 100%, but you’ll settle for 60%, 40%, whatever they need, and pray fiercely until the cows come home, until light shines in their eyes, showing you that they’re OK, they’re truly OK.
I’m waiting now. In so many ways.
Yet, refusing to wait as well.
The dentist told me this afternoon: someday that tooth–the one you broke eating popcorn last Friday–will need a root canal.
I won’t count the days. I’ll love the way he patched the tooth back together this afternoon–oh how I love you, Dr. Summersett, for your gentle hands and easy laugh–I won’t wait until the tooth finally explodes in its final scream, oh no. I’ll simply know that someday it may happen. And maybe it won’t, who can truly tell?
I sit here waiting for a phone call, an expected phone call, a phone call from a loved one.
Will the phone call share good news? News where we smile, relax, say, oh good, phew, a respite, a shining star. Or will the phone call share bad news, news I don’t want to hear, news which will require adjustment, new viewpoints, easing into a new reality?
How do you wait? How do you wait, my friend?
I wait impatiently–but as you pointed out–some of the waiting brings us grown children and root canals; some of it brings good news; and some of it not–I wait impatiently
Sometimes I wait patiently. Sometimes I don’t. I’ve often thought that there might be something I could do while I wait, something enlightening or good or, I don’t know. Just something. Because we spend so much of life waiting. It is, now that I think about it, an opportunity to learn to be in the present rather than letting our minds rush ahead to all the possible outcomes of waiting. Yet I never think of that when the waiting is important. I hope of all the possible outcomes of your waiting, it is a good one.
How I wait is on pins and needles, pacing, pacing, anticipating the worst, hoping for the best, pacing, pacing. I am a very bad at waiting. I hope your waiting brings good news. It’s time for good news.
Oh Kathy. How can we live with two realities at the same time ? The world needs to make sense. We need to know what we’re dealing with, but while waiting for news we have no control. We want to feel in control. We want to know what’s what. How can we wait and not be impatient … and to be honest, not be scared.
I hope the news is good. The best. Sending loving thoughts your way.
I pace, I pray, I pick things up and put things away; I dust and iron and cook and pace and pray some more. Best wishes to you in your waiting.
Oh Kathy, it’s not easy, this business of waiting. Especially when loved ones are involved. Waiting with you, my friend.
Not easy at all. I’ll be thinking of you, and hoping all news is good news!
Oh poor Kathy, I had root canal this year too! It’s never as bad as our over-active minds imagine it will be though, I promise, especially if we visit a kind and gentle dentist.
Waiting is the worst! I used to get so nervous and impatient and my mouth would go dry if I imagined the worst case senario, so now I try not to think at all. Unfortunately I can’t block thought from my brain completely, but I usually go out into the garden. That’s my distraction, the one that clears my mind, where my peace is. Wishing for you that the awaited phone call brings cause for a “phew”. xxx
Oh we worry and fret so when we wait on something we can’t control. I think that is the hardest part, we can’t control what we hear, only how we accept it. I pray that what you hear is good. I pray you speak of the phew in your next post. I … will be waiting for your news too. May the Lord decide to bless you and yours, Kathy. Waiting is so hard.
I wait in agony most of the time when I don’t get calls or email from my daughter who is ill with a bad arthritis. Life went backwards for her and to a lesser extent me as well. I hope that whatever is on the end of the call you are awaiting, is good or at best “okay” news for you.
It seems to me that women wait longer than men, wait longer for men, wait for children to grow, learn, recuperate, recover, progress, come home. We wait for “things,” people, friends, doctors (grrrr!), and the results of tests. We wait for things to set, cook, arrive, work. Waiting is truly the name of the game – especially for women. Now I wait for Rozie to come home. The vet took her away for the weekend to try to heal her from a persistent infection caused by an abscessed tooth. I wish I could calculate how much of my life has been spent waiting. And I wish I had thought of writing this blog post too Kathy. It is impressive!
Kathy, In the past I have struggled with waiting…but learned to handle the waiting periods by putting my shoes on and pounding the pavement—-and praying. Walking and praying with a steady momentum until the anxiety of waiting subsided. I put on many miles walking away my worries. But, now with very painful knees, I can no longer walk away my worries. So, I devote more time to prayer and to keeping myself busy.
I pray the news you are waiting on will be good news. ♥
When it’s the kind of waiting you’ve been doing I usually sleep more. Or go on longer walks. Or both, though not at the same time. I used to run and cry at the same time. That worked too. I hope the news is good my friend.
This week I waited with a colleague for
Return of ct scan results
And ALL of the deep human feelings
Swirled within me
But tests results are all ok
For the time being.
Oh, those long nights waiting for the kids to come home–I prayed. Waiting for the test results–I cried, even though I tried hard not to.
Waiting for life to decide where the path will lead is indeed a challenge, however, b perhaps a fork in the road will appear to change the balance. It is during these intervals that I find not only my greatest strengths but also my greatest weaknesses. Wait gently for the light to recede for darkness comes all to soon.
Waiting is painful. You’ve written a beautiful post, and it’s taken me through some of my own waitings. There are a few more twirling in my memory, but it’s late and I should probably be in bed rather than writing comments on your blogging. I’ll hope for good news for you and hold you in my heart if it’s not.
Kathy – I wait one breath at a time.
Kathy- I did a lot of waiting in February this year, it was so hard to do.Mu thoughts and prayers are waiting with you,
I don’t wait well, Kathy. Too much worry, not enough trust in outcome.
I am overly patient most of the time. Except in some situations … like when I am sick. I can not wait for this first school cold bug to leave me and my sinuses alone. 🙂
I wait, feeling sick to my stomach, thinking everything will be fine, but not believing it. Then feel really daft when things are OK :D. The wait I am having now I cry through because I know there will be no happy out come. I hope your wait ends soon.
Bless us all during those times we wait, patiently or impatiently, with hope or tears. I pray for all of us whose outcomes are less than happy. My news was as good as could be expected. Not perfect news, but not devastating news either. I would share it with you, but need to protect the privacy of my loved one. Blessings to all… and thank you for sharing your waiting stories, joys and sorrows both.
So eloquently stated, Kathy. Waiting for good, waiting for bad. I am not a good waiter. You know, the kind of person who waits very poorly. No matter good or bad.
I hope your wait brings good news, Kathy. ❤
I wait brazenly, Kathy. I wait by deciding in advance what is going to happen and then try to make it happen. But there’s certainly no answer to that dilemma of kids growing up and going on their own except deciding it is all going to be good and helping them to make it so. Love your photo of your two kids on the porch. They look completely happy!
I wait and I worry and wait and worry. I know in my head the worry does no good but my heart has a hard time believing. I wait to make decisions, wait to hear from dear daughter away at school, wait for the workmen to appear to do the tasks of which I’ve been waiting so long for their completion. Yet I try my best not to keep anyone waiting for me! How can that be? 😉
Everyday I wait until it is time to drive to school to pick up my son. Then he gets in the car and turns up the radio, blasting loud and sings loud in my ear. I can’t wait to get home again and get him out of my car. I remember waiting for dates, sometimes they were hours late and I would be mad.
Your description of waiting for your children to grow/wishing they never would seems perfectly spot-on. But this is my favorite: “wanting them to be successful–no, simply happy.” That’s what I want for all my loved ones.
As for waiting – it depends on what I’m awaiting. I expect I would not be waiting well if I were anticipating the phone call you are. Hugs to you, and may it have been good news. And if bad news, then may you adjust well, and more hugs.
I usually wait and worry. Yet now I try not to wait for happiness or for things to be perfect – life is too short to to wait.
Best wishes for good news…