Darkness still spreads her peaceful cloak across the forest this December morning.
‘Tis a new day. I cuddle beneath the fluffy white comforter and remember scraps of last night’s dreams.
‘Tis better than remembering yesterday.
Yesterday proved a tough day.
Why? you ask tentatively.
Because anger struck so hard and fierce it felt like lightning seared all sensibility. This heart pounded so fiercely that it leaped from the body and exploded all the way to China.
OK, I exaggerate.
Why so angry? you ask, even more tentatively.
Clouds
Because I spent at least four hours dealing with certain software companies through both my part-time jobs. Because it was Cyber-Monday and on-line sales slowed the company’s capabilities. Because one’s computer tends to stick out its tongue and respond inappropriately when it feels like the Grinch.
I–your nice optimistic pleasant blogger–snarled at an innocent bystander. (OK, I cracked a joke the next minute. Then she cracked a joke, and then we laughed.)
Decided a walk down the road might cool angry engine jets. Ran in frustration. My thoughts ran riot. Anger steamed out the ears and accelerated. Imagined slights by friends gained monumental proportion. Soon I was angry at the entire planet.
By bedtime relative calmness returned.
Light in the darkness
This morning tentative light appears in the sky. Snow promises a December cleanse.
It’s a new day with new possibilities. Anger often teaches us new lessons, cracks open new fissures, although we don’t usually acknowledge that in the heat of our passion.
Have you experienced a day like this recently? How do you deal with anger’s fierce roar?
Lake Superior Spirit 
I have certainly had days like that. It’s hard when that anger comes out of nowhere and overwhelms (even if you identify the source it’s usually not really enough to explain that all consuming raging). You were probably smart to try to take a walk/run. I will put myself to bed (time out if you will) and try to reset or clean house. The mantra I use is “anger is energy”. I just need to find a better channel to let it out.
anger, or no anger. good to hear from you at all times and all seasons. winter is a time for deep work. and cybermonday affects us up here in canada too 🙂 it was hell trying to get our service provider to provide us with service. in the end, they gave up until today, tuesday.
I have had days like that, yes, in fact yesterday I nearly broke my printer because the paper got jammed and I didn’t know how to get it out and I was running late and….breathing, and remembering the consequences of times when I haven’t kept my anger in check…that’s what get’s me through…and not saying I shouldn’t be angry…but acknowledging it, not judging it…and not acting on it, but allowing it to be. I’m glad you see a little light in the sky again today…love and hugs, Harula xxxxx
Anger. Hmmmm. Guess that can mix into the melting pot of emotions I’m feeling right now. I try to remember to breathe. To figure out why I’m angry. Then go for a dog walk. If the weather was nicer, I’d take it out into the garden and bury it among the transplanted flowers…
Oh yes, and it wasn’t pretty… Last time, a couple of months ago, I went on a rampage and straightened up the house with a vengeance, and scribbled an insult into the dust on a shelf. (Sheepishly “erased” it the next day when the “wrong” person discovered it…) Sigh…
Oh my Kathy. Anger is a blessing. I know you hate me for saying that, but I believe it is a gift to know what you stand for and where you draw the line. It is informative. Welcome it, as Rumi asks us in The Guest House, for it is preparing you for the next delight. I say blessings on your anger. My heart was pounding extra yesterday too. Today is softer. I am taking a deep dark journey this Advent. Letting the season make marks on me. Tons of love, S
I love your take on this and it puts anger in perspective–so many of us are afraid of our anger but I think Suzi has hit the target–it is a gift when it draws the line or measures how much you are willing to take
I have had those kind of days, more often than I’d care to remember. I have learned that emotions, like frustration, being upset, feeling hurt, and many others find their root in anger. Anger is brutal sometimes. How do I handle it? Not well, at times, but trying to decide where it comes from helps to allay it. It is no good carrying it around with you. It weighs too much and takes its toll. Have a good, fresh, new day.
I rarely explode with anger. Instead there is a slow simmer that gradually takes over all waking thoughts. When the simmer approaches boiling, I turn to chocolate and find a quiet spot to sleep.
Suzi is wise in her assessment of anger. I would add, that if you are human, anger will, from time to time, rear it’s head perhaps to cleanse the system of all the built up poison not being given an avenue of escape without an explosion. You are a thoughtful, kind person in tune with yourself and anger is also a part of that you.
That light shines.
Kathy – I know from whence you speak…
…I just discovered that one of my photographs was used without my permission. I’m rather peeved at the moment.
Aww, I hope today will be much happier! Sending cyber {{hugs}} your way, my sweet friend.
I think that in the way a heat of body temperature can help to rid of body of infection, the heat of anger can burn away some of the cobwebs of the mind. The new library director’s wife approached me the other day, to invite me to participate in a new after-hours knitting and craft group at the library. That was MY idea! I talked about that in my interview for library director! They have stolen my after-hours knitting and craft plan! They won’t give me the good job, with the liveable income and good benefits, but they will happily employ my ideas! Though I said none of this out loud, and in fact responded kindly, my mind was ablaze with these thoughts all day. By the end of the day, I had exhausted myself with my fury, and exhausted my need for it. I was able to see the humor in thinking that all good ideas generate from me alone. And, I move forward now with a little less resentment, having allowed the anger to burn some of it away. Good, thoughtful post, Kathy!
Oh I hate it when a fit of anger makes my mind turn little things into giant ones. When I’m truly angry, I quarantine myself for a bit. I know that a my angry neurotransmitters will be reuptaken eventually, and I’ll calm down, returning to my senses in a much saner manner. Because even worse than exaggerating slights is lashing out and then carrying around the guilt of an angry reaction.
But, today is a new day, and I am sure it will be great! For you and me 🙂
Oh yes, I’ve had plenty of days like that throughout my lifetime. They don’t seem to come as often now, although there’s nothing like a computer glitch to bring it out. Glad your day ended in peace. 🙂
I admit, it’s hard for me to imagine you angry! But it’s OK. : )
I do not enjoy anger — it never feels cathartic or productive to me. Honestly, I would much rather cry than get angry. But it happens. Hope today is a better day! (It will be.) What a lovely mysterious photo of the moon and the clouds.
OK – how did you get those tiny snowflakes to fall downward in “light in the darkness?” At first I thought it was my old eyes deceiving me – it is early after all. I watched, I waited, and just when I thought they wouldn’t appear again, down they fluttered. They are fluttering here today, too, outside my window. For me, anger is often about more than the event that finally sets it off. Sometimes, it’s heaped frustrations that ignite with just a small spark. I think anger can be cleansing but only if we follow its thread to understand its true origins. I’m also mindful that anger sometimes hurts the innocent bystander – not a good thing, but often unavoidable. The image of you running down the road with steam coming out of your ears makes me smile. I hope that doesn’t make you angry!
I know anger can be a good thing, but I’m not a fan. I get angry much too often and more so than when I was younger. I suppose I’ve grown more comfortable with the feeling. I know I’ll feel less anger, if I just admit that I am angry and why. Still, I know days like this are not fun, and I’ve had one to two too many, as well!
Hugs from Ecuador,
Kathy
Sorry you’ve had to deal with computer customer service folk. I’ve heard they can be somewhat difficult and unsympathetic.
I think everyone experiences moments/days like that, though, when extreme frustration casts a fog over their usual zen-like demeanor. I’m glad you’ve exited the cloying mist and found your way back to the beauty of today. It does not bode well for someone to dwell on their anger, as it will plant a seed of discontent that grows with time and, like a weed, chokes out one’s good nature. 🙂
My anger seems to erupt more these days when I am frustrated or feel I’m being trampled. I need to walk away, breathe deeply and remind myself I’m human and, as such, frail in some ways.
Sent from my iPad
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You beautifully described the anger I think we all experience from time to time. It IS very cleansing. I love what you said about anger cracking open new fissures. Yes! It teaches me what I still need to work on, listen to, or honor. I just recently had to swallow my anger at a gathering where getting away for even a second proved impossible due to timing. It was SUCH a good lesson overall; though the energy needed to contain and restrain was exhausting. I’m still processing it. Thank you for this today. Thank you for YOU!
How lovely to read about Kathy’s humanity. I’m sure the Kathy of yesterday would not have found it so lovely, and that’s the natural thing of it. Heh, humanity, it experiences the gambit of emotions. Sometimes its difficult to embrace them all, but they sure do remind us we’re alive. Here’s hoping for a smoother time of things from here on out. Hugs. (dang computers, grr)
Giving in to anger is the path to the dark side . . . I think Yoda said that to Luke Skywalker.
gosh i am worried about making a mistake
I do not want to make a general statement about angries and THEN have to pay a price to remember the stuff I left out
Elisa goes BOOM and Elisa giggles and a whole lot of things in between. the world is more grateful for some of the things than it is for others i suppose.
Yes, thought provoking post. I yell and scream and curse if something goes wrong with whatever. No one hears me except the pets. I don’t have too many days of that. Mostly I yell our when I am sick and It sort of makes me feel better. Get it out of the system so to speak. Helps a lot to add those curse words. Gee I am so crude.
Glad to see you occasionally have fire coming out your nose! I felt so angry this week at the Choir director moving the Altar and taking the Cross totally from the Sanctuary that I got positively un-Christian and fired both barrels. They are still going to let me go to Church there though. It’s good to blow the soot out of your pipes once in a while!
Nothing can frustrate me more than dealing with computers and other electronic equipment that don’t want to “cooperate!” I don’t usually get angry but when I do, you can actually see the steam coming out of my head. That’s when I quarantine myself and take a nice walk outside, look around and get back into present time.
Enjoying your posts, Kathy, and enjoying all the commentary as well. You’re so good at starting a discussion!
Glad I’m not the only one who fumes at days like that…
Everything that I thought I learned from the last time I was angry, flew out the window when I got angry again. Luckily it doesn’t happen often. Cyber Monday screwed up our Internet too (as we were still trying to do some on-line shopping–ugh!).
I think winter weather lends itself to forgiveness. People seem to hang onto their anger more when it’s hot outside. Maybe this is just my perception. The last time I got angry at someone who didn’t deserve it (an airline agent after my flight was canceled when the pilot didn’t show up for work), I felt so ashamed. I’ve vowed since to try to keep perspective when things happen that are beyond someone’s control. People don’t deserve such negative treatment, and I would hate to be the cause of any of their undue stress. ❤