I used to think that a failed friendship meant personal failure.
A failure to maintain a long-standing relationship. A failure of the other person. A failure to work through disagreements or issues or perceptions. A failure of personal culpability, a failure of that “mistaken so-and-so” (insert your own judging term), a failure of two selves to make things right and keep the friendship on track.
And, yes, perhaps a failed friendship can mean all these things. Perhaps we said or did stupid things. Perhaps the other did not understand what we meant to say, or why we acted that way. Perhaps we shut her out of our sphere. Perhaps she closed the door on us. Perhaps misunderstandings abounded and multiplied due to our different ways of understanding and existing in the universe. Perhaps we didn’t nurture our bonds, be present in times of need.
These days, when a thought arises about a missing-in-action friendship, I still often attempt to assess what possibly went wrong. But I also call in a wider eagle view. To look beyond the personalities with their right and wrong and nuanced pictures.
Perhaps Life itself engages us in friendships–for a day, a month, a year, three decades, six decades, a lifetime–and pulls the plug when Life Itself wants to move in another direction.
Perhaps Life directs the show more than we imagine. Perhaps it’s not all about our limited perspectives of who we think should be our friend. It may be about who Life wants to put on our path, engage with, interact with, dance alongside, for six hours or sixty years.
Nowadays I’m more likely (at times) to look at a picture of a distant friend who emotionally moved away–or I moved away from her–and think, “Oh look at that precious being! How lucky that Life allowed us to meet and love each other for a time! And who knows–maybe someday Life will move us back closer together again. ”
And that has happened, a few precious and grace-filled incidences.
Perhaps there’s no such thing as a “failed” friendship if our heart remains open with love…what do you think?