Have you ever woken up in the morning with a yearning for…a yearning for…and you can’t say quite what you’re yearning for…?
You want something. Your heart wants something.
But you cannot articulate what you want.
Perhaps you start scrolling through Facebook searching for what you might want. You scroll and scroll and scroll and nothing satisfies. It’s all yesterday’s news, even when it’s brand new.
You search your email for some kind words to ease your yearning heart. Kind words may or may not arise, but that does not answer the persistent knock at some inner invisible door whispering, “Come, come, come” but you know not where to go.
You oh-so want to write a blog post, but what would you say? Nothing arises. There is simply nothing to say.
You look at the national and local news…and turn it off with a heavier heart than before. No more bad news, you think. What am I supposed to do?
Suddenly it becomes obvious. The murky waters of yearning clear just a tiny bit. You know what you want.
Pumpkin creamer in a cup of coffee.
(Of course you know that pumpkin creamer will not solve your existential yearning. Of course you know that. But that’s what arises as the NEXT THING you MUST have, so you hop in the car and drive to town for a cup of gas station coffee where you have spotted pumpkin creamer last week.)
Of course you didn’t hop in the car and drive twelve miles to town JUST for pumpkin creamer. You have six other items needed from the grocery store: lime, fish sauce, crackers, green pepper, serrano peppers and roasted & salted peanuts.
Of course you do not want to buy an entire bottle of pumpkin creamer because it’s filled with sugar & other detrimental items. One cup. One cup of coffee with pumpkin creamer is all you need. It will surely satisfy.
At the last minute you throw your “big girl” camera into the car. “Perhaps,” a thought rises, “perhaps I can take pictures of something…”
You arrive at the Holiday gas station and waltz in masked & ready for that pumpkin creamer–and there IS NO pumpkin creamer.
Foiled! Reluctantly, with a sad face 😦 beneath the mask you drizzle in some hazelnut creamer.
You drive to the grocery store. No fish sauce for tonight’s recipe! Foiled again!
But the Universe often has a plan.
I drove down to our Lake Superior and stared out over the bay. Grabbed the camera and started taking pictures.
Stopped four times between town and home, each time drawn by the mesmerizing pull of waves, water, sand, rock.
Hiked down a rocky & root-filled trail to the lake near an old Native American church. Stood beside crashing waves by First Sand Beach. Meandered down the quiet and sheltered Second Sand Beach.
Slowly a calm quiet filled my restless spirit.
Ahhhh, this I what I wanted.
This is what I yearned for.
To be out in nature. To feel the wet of lake waves splashing on rocks.
To see flashes of red leaves heralding autumn.
To peer through willows.
To open the door and walk outside and see where the yearning wanted to go.
I thought I wanted pumpkin creamer. Turns out that was just the tease to get me outside and down to the lake.
Are you feeling yearnings like these some mornings? Have you found ways to soothe the restless one or does pumpkin creamer work for you?