My 75 day commitment to connect more deeply to the Holy Heart, Spirit, God, Love…to explore “What the Heart knows” during the waning days of 2020 is halfway over now. We’re counting down toward year’s end. Thirty eight, thirty seven, thirty six…until we hail 2021 and greet her newness with hope for an easier year for us humans.
This journey has proved so interesting thus far. Am I connecting more deeply, as the heart yearns to do? I am not sure. It’s a practice: pivoting again and again toward the Holy. Losing a sense of connection to Spirit over and over again (although it’s really impossible to actually lose our connection to God–it is possible to think we’ve lost our zipline and flounder about before realizing: oh, the zip line’s been here all along!)
I love the idea of turning to the Heart again and again and yes, again. No self-flagellating and beating ourselves up for getting lost in the Halloween mazes of the mind. Just returning to breath, prayer, presence, love–whatever works in our personal bag of tricks. Remembering that we’re unique beings of God’s expression and learning to walk step-by-step like a little baby outside any hallways of fear and into the spacious field of love.
Blogging about this every day has been such a huge lesson for me. I have always remembered my year-long daily blogging commitment with fondness and wanted to try it once again. These 75 days feel like a holy calling and I am trying to fulfill it.
It is both wonderfully exhilarating and lovely–and really challenging. The great part of daily posting? Communicating publicly about what’s in the heart. Sharing hopefully inspirational stories of how the human and spirit dance together in real life. Describing spiritual embodiment and struggles with honesty and vulnerability. Bringing this exploration into the public realm and showing up for the Heart day after day after day after day. Hoping others are moved to more deeply connect with their own spiritual heart. The benefits feel numerous.
The challenges? It is really hard to write about spirituality every single sun-rising day. It was much easier to open-the-door-and-walk-outside in 2008-2009 and type about whatever presented itself. With this spiritual writing it feels imperative to share from the Heart–not from the mind’s yammering. Every afternoon around 4 p.m. I begin asking the Holy, “Hey, Holy, what do YOU want to say tomorrow?”
Thoughts rise up like flocking birds pointing out possible topics. But I have to wait until the Heart agrees. All during the evening I watch the thought-birds arising and sometimes the Heart says absolutely nothing. The lesson always seems to be: surrender in trust. Trust Me. Trust not-knowing. Trust waiting in emptiness without any idea. (Not every day is like this. For example, the Heart gave permission to write this post almost instantaneously. But yesterday I couldn’t find anything to write about. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Until the smoke alarm beeped from the basement and Life said: here, Kathy, this is what I want you to write about.)
I will probably never commit to blogging daily again. Probably. Unless a definitive calling arises yet again. It feels so much more relaxing and peaceful to post when the urge strikes, to leave the post up for multiple days, to slowly digest what the Heart is sharing. I am so looking forward to luxuriously and slowly blogging when the urge strikes–not from a commitment. Sometimes this daily sharing feels like a factory production line. Next, next, next. No time to catch your breath. Next, next, next.
And yet–and yet–isn’t life a conundrum? Part of me loves this daily blogging. The joy of sharing. The excitement of readers, commenters, friends. The thrill of writing stories. The smiles when someone says they’re inspired or just thank you. The challenges of sharing. The way my introverted side wants to put a pillow over her head and just be quiet, please, Kathy, can’t we please be quiet again?
I am glad to be doing this–wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Grateful to all of you who reach out and share your own stories and thoughts. You guys are the best. I pray for every one of your hearts, that the Holy sings lullabies to you during challenging times and helps you continue to open your beautiful hearts daily. ❤