It’s a frigid January morning here in our little house in the woods. The propane furnace motor hummed during the night trying to keep us warm, and this morning at 6 a.m. I started a roaring fire in the wood stove for today’s heat.
It’s cozy now, and I sip coffee and breathe. Listen to the silence, the noisy thoughts, the wood stove, the subtle hum of life.
Barry’s off to work and I don’t need to help out with school accounting today. Actually, I could sign in remotely and try to fix a $480 journal entry connected with payroll liabilities but, hey, that’s for another morning.
It’s been a peaceful spell here–except for the day of the capitol riots–where we sat glued to the computer while Barry worked on plumbing pipes in the basement. My heart is still heavy thinking of it, but we’ve on to hopefully happier times and I don’t want to talk about that any more right now.
It took about ten days to relax and shift gears after my 75 day spiritual daily blogging. Then, like clockwork, it all settled again into a new rhythm. Now am just waiting for inspiration to arise, with no need to write or not write.
What I want to share this morning is this–a Facebook friend/acquaintance posted excitedly about getting her vaccine in town. She was thrilled. She’s medically compromised, older, and wants the protection of the shot. At the end of her post she turned political and berated Nancy Pelosi for not getting the vaccine.
However, last night, this dear woman reappeared to apologize and correct herself. She called her recent post FAKE NEWS and said she made a mistake. She said she should have left politics out of it. She said her readers had corrected her with information that Nancy had received her vaccine. With humor and grace she thoughtfully and lovingly apologized to the Speaker of the House. She finished with her “deprogramming” will consist of facials and massages.
How many times do we hear people admitting they were wrong? Apologizing? Vowing to do better next time? I’m not sure (and my memory may be foggy) but I can’t remember seeing this on Facebook many other times. Usually it just seems a vicious or defense exchange insisting upon a pre-determined viewpoint.
I am certainly not immune to making mistakes. Or pushing an agenda. Or insisting things are one way–when in reality they can be multi-faceted and multi-sided and nuanced shades of black, white, gray and truth.
But what if we can just gracefully admit we were wrong? Confess we didn’t see the whole story. That we were limited. That we may have been petty. That we were angry.
Our egos don’t like that idea too much, do they?
They would oft-times rather be right and put on a good face to the world instead of saying Sorry, I apologize, Please forgive me.
It feels shaky and vulnerable to do that, doesn’t it? Kind of scary.
I so admire when people can do this. When we can do this. And I have hopes that this is not a pipe dream.
I am dreaming, this quiet and cold January morning in the woods, of a kind world beyond self-righteous ideas and ideals. Not that there’s anything wrong with ideas and ideals. But isn’t there a world of the heart that overlays our polarized opinions of right and wrong? Isn’t there a field, as Rumi says, beyond? Isn’t there a path of the heart that doesn’t attempt to create war from opposite viewpoints?
Not sure how to fully embody and LIVE this path of the heart, but trying to imperfectly but faithfully do this each day.
Anybody else dream of this? Do we all have a Martin Luther King inside of us imagining this way of the heart’s inclusion?
Lake Superior Spirit 
I do try to fact check, especially the more contentious stuff that reaches me. And often, it ends there with me, not spreading further. Also, I will apologize when I know I’ve been wrong. We are all human with flaws after all.
Yesterday, I had a delightfully deep and fun exchange with my friend Lucienne over a quote that I posted. “There are no mistakes, no coincidences; all events are blessings, given to us to learn from.” ~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
That took a LOT of unpacking and a balanced dance of splitting hairs and nuance. I loved every minute of it. Wishing you always, all the best.
How interesting, Deb, that you love every minute of such an exchange! I admire that you do. It can be so challenging to discuss nuances, differences, interpretations. Were you ever a debater in high school? I think perhaps it might have been a good thing for many of us to learn–how to debate and still be friends. It sounds like you’re a pro at that.
LOL, don’t know about the pro part but I used to informally debate with some of my fellow students in high school. Yes. It is in my soul I suppose but I do try to always remain respectful and carefully consider the validity of my assertions.
I can always feel that from you, Deb… ❤
Kathy,
It just took me an hour to read through this! Grin!
I was making my breakfast… I had to grind the Almonds for almond milk… than cook the multi-grain breakfast oat blend cereal/porridge as some folks call.
This has nothing to do with your blog post other than wanting our responses be like I was there with you!
I find your message heart warming and a comfort to see the change we can be part of by admitting our mistakes, more importantly making the amends as soon as possible. Being aware of our imperfections allows room to “fix” a situation or at least part of the solution…
I found myself doing it not long ago when I reacted to quickly to a friends reply. I almost immediately corrected myself… which was greeted with forgiveness and understanding… some one else even commented on our exchange…
I believe we are going to be experiencing more of this kind of awareness…
Love you!
Jeff, first, how sweet that we were “together” as you made your delicious breakfast. And how beautiful that you were able to see your quick response in a bigger light of awareness and take the steps to amend. I had to do this in a conversation with my mom the other day. To back up and say that she was right, I was wrong, and thank her for educating me. *smile* I like the thought, also, that we will be experiencing more of this kind of awareness! YES, a delightful thought! (Even though it can be so challenging to be so vulnerable in the immediate moment.)
Kathy,
It’s aways nice to spend time with you!
For me there has been a shift of consciousness and or intuition when I have approached someone or something in the wrong manner, even if I may be “right” our right may not be someone else’s. Learning to correct that comes with practice. Now it is a sense of “guilt” or at least a feeling that the action or behavior is not to my highest good or the other persons.
That is such a good point, Jeff. That our “right” may not be someone else’s “right”. I am going to think about that some more! Thank you.
My dream is that we might return to a society with more tolerance, more peace, less contention, more joy. Or have we ever been that? In which case, I dream that we could become that. As for fact-checking – essential. Apologizing when wrong – essential. Otherwise, I would be what I criticize.
Carol, it sounds like our dreams are similar. I am not sure if it’s ever happened yet in our world, or if it’s even attainable, but I like to think we can learn to do this as individuals and then maybe–just maybe–it will spill over into the larger collective.
I love reading this. I just remembered one occasion where I had been leading a writer group online, and I had been rather snippy – short-thought and “being right” – and suddenly I saw why they reacted and it all turned around inside.Things got very simple and i was very fortnight about having been all wrong.
One of the writers – a brilliant fantasy writer, who had shared some of his peculiarities – “I hate to be touched an will never kiss” – commented: ” Leelah, I could almost kiss you.”
Still, it is often hard to admit 🙂
Oh my goodness it IS so hard to admit! I think our egos feel like they will be destroyed if they have to admit they were wrong. I had to do this earlier this week in an exchange with my mother. And so clearly saw the pattern of how part of me didn’t want to look small and wrong and mistaken. But oh did it feel good afterward! How sweet that man wanted to kiss you for being vulnerable after your snippiness. Today am contemplating the part in your book where you perceived this: “Oh the beauty of allowing others to be as they are–with whatever they seem to be going through–realizing their soul’s choice to experience exactly this–in order to be able to transcend and transform it.” Not sure if this has been totally realized yet on this end, but so often intuitions of it.
How wonderful to have a friend who is able to do that. There are so few people strong enough to admit they are wrong. I don’t know if I know any, myself included. But I think this is something that we can all work on…because in order to bring the two sides of our country together we are all, most likely, going to have to admit to pushing our beliefs beyond what might be the absolute truth in an effort to prove our side of the national argument. It won’t be easy. But what if we could all say “I’m sorry, I was wrong?”
Dawn, my goodness, yes, it’s so hard to admit we were wrong. I can do it in some instances, but not in others. Guess it’s a learning curve. I like what you say that we can learn to work on this and perhaps bring our country more together than apart like it seems so much recently.
Oh, Kathy, I yearn for that field!
Yearning along with you, Larissa! ❤
I’ve taken to scrolling past most posts and comments. I’ve taken to leaving my phone in the bedroom. I’ve taken to complete cessation of FB posts. I’ve considered removing app.frim mynohine and logging in on the computer once in a while instead of daily. Yes, I have a dream, too, but not much faith that it will be realized. Sorry for that pessimism. XOXO
You are not alone in doing this on Facebook, Stacy. Seems like many of us have moved in this direction. No worries about the lack of faith in humankind. I don’t have much faith, either. What faith I have is that possibly–just possibly–we can learn to do this as individuals. You and me maybe. And then as more and more ordinary individuals like you and me learn how to do this–then the larger collective might begin to shift. No guarantees, but maybes.
I believe in individuals, too, Kathy. Not humanity as a whole. So, yes, individuals are the instrument of change. XOXO
Yay–we mostly believe the same! 🙂
I think the less I’m on social media, the less I’m bombarded with fake news. I’ve been off Facebook for a long time now and don’t even go on Instagram much anymore (I used to love it….) because it seems to be all about the “likes” people get. I aways fact check if I intend to pass some info on to someone else. I’m pretty good at apologizing. Maybe I’m wrong a lot so I have a lot of practice!
I had to grin at that comment, Barb. I’ve heard it said that when we make a lot of mistakes we’re learning a lot. So that sounds like a good thing! By the way, really enjoying reading your small stones each day. So sweet to read them every afternoon around 3 p.m.
Someone apologized? And on social media? Wow, your friend there is awesome. And you do sound so cozy in your house. I am sure it took awhile to process your past journey. I hope you also enjoy this moment of getting back at it.
Isn’t that amazing? (And more amazing that we should be amazed that someone apologized?) This is not a woman I know well. She’s from our town, but we’re mostly acquaintances. But was so proud of her gumption! Yes, it did take a while to process the journey, but have been glad to be back posting about every week. At least so far in January!
Oh Kathy. It’s good to be back to read your calm, kind, thoughtful, and thought-provoking words. Wow – an apology these days? Actually, hard to believe in today’s world … but obvious, it lives! Keep smiling! 🙂
Frank, it’s so nice of you to say this. I AM smiling right now–a big wide smile. So glad to see that there is some spirit of reconciliation working in our hearts and in the world.
Your friend apparently read her “Pelosi news on FB” It the very worse among some other outlets for posting lies and other made up tales. I see these things posted quite often and when the poster are presented with the truth, it is not believed. Many people are too lazy to research things for them selves. Such a sad state of what is happening in the US for the past four years. It is good the lady apologized Not many folks can.
She said she was given the fake news by her husband. Not sure how he came up with the story, but it seems every other story is crazy on Facebook and other places. And you are right–it is really cool she apologized when so many times people don’t. That made my morning to read that.
I am all about primary sources for news. My parents were very clear about always knowing your source before you opened your mouth. We lived in a small town, things could get out of hand quickly amongst the townsfolk. As I’m sure you can imagine. 🙄
Ally Bean, how cool that your parents taught you that! I grew up in a small town, too–and live 12 miles from one now–but am not sure that exact message ever landed. Kudos to your parents!
I give your friend credit for her admission! So many people would just have let it go. I was embarrassed to have fallen for fake news this past week–the “Hit the Road, Jack” song played by the military band as it paraded by the White House was doctored. Not true. Usually I’m more discerning and it troubled me that I didn’t fact-check it before sharing with friends.
Gosh, it’s so easy to hear something, believe it, and share it with others. I am trying to be really discerning, too. Thanks for humbly sharing your own story. 🙂
I did the same thing that your friend did. I put out a correction to my buddies. But it was definitely humble pie.
((Big hugs!))
I so admire a heartfelt admission of wrong-doing. I am wise enough to recognize when my own behavior deserves reproach, and smart enough to step up and apologize for it, but it is RARELY “from the heart.” Usually, in the cold kernel of my angry heart, I am holding tightly to the rightness of my venom, along with any justification I can muster. But, I tell myself, we must be civilized. I WISH I were a better person!
Awww, Cindy, I think many of us wish we could be better human beings. Maybe part of that instinct is good–we try to do and be better. But it also feels like we can beat ourselves up unnecessarily for being human. One of my spiritual teachers suggests if we can’t love the other person because we’re so angry–we turn our love and compassion toward the inner one that is angry and love THAT one. Sometimes I remember to do this!
Love the oak leaf cradling snow… What a rare experience to have someone apologize and correct herself so publicly! If only we were all so humble when confronted with the facts and reality. So many times we don’t see or know the whole story, which is why giving others the benefit of the doubt is so important. Happy to hear you’re settled into a new winter rhythm…
Barbara, I think you’ve stated something really really important here. We don’t see or know the whole story–only our limited view of it. That’s our gift and our challenge. We each have a unique, precious and limited view. How to hold it lovingly and lightly…. And, yes, this winter rhythm has been nice once again.
💙
Good Morning Yooper Friend! I am grinning and I hear, so she is STILL doing that Spiritual Journey 🙂 I LOVE it!! (even when I flinch in seeing my own actions, the mirror helps)
Good morning, Easterner and Southerner! (Even though you’re not really south…but even Lower Michigan is south to us.) As for the spiritual journey… smile…it never truly ends, does it? Only the wording changes. Some people truly are triggered by the words God, Holy, Spirit. They are soothed by references to nature, life, rhythms, patterns. Others love hearing the spiritual words and miss the connection in the ordinary. It’s fun and interesting to play around with expressing spirituality in so many different ways!
Kathy, it’s wonderful to hear that your Facebook friend offered an apology. Perhaps being in a position of having to apologise could be avoided though if people weren’t so judemental, as many seem to be nowadays. I keep on going back in my mind to wishing people could accept ‘differences of opinion’ without crucifying one another. I suspect you feel the same way, as your spiritual journey continues, as always, minus your 75 day commitment. 🙂
Joanne, that is my sincere wish, too. It seems like it should be an easy thing to do–but apparently it is a most challenging task ahead for us humans. And YES! the spiritual journey continues unending until the last breath is drawn and maybe even after. Blessings to you this day!
I’m sure that many of us have a dream like that – probably more than we realise. I’m glad that you’ve found a new rhythm, let’s hope that’s a good sign for the year ahead.
Hi Andrea, you are most probably right. It’s been a good rhythm this month once things settled down. However, I can’t think of anything to blog about! Oh well…staying open…
I have the same dream. I wish and yearn for a time when we can all laugh at the messiness of being human, think and feel with our hearts, and not get too attached to right and wrong (so that we can easily admit that we were wrong — something I have little trouble with, but I know many who do struggle saying or even thinking they might have been wrong).
Thank you, Robin. I think we both sound like Martin Luther King with our dreams. May it be so, may it be so…. ❤