I used to think that a failed friendship meant personal failure.
A failure to maintain a long-standing relationship. A failure of the other person. A failure to work through disagreements or issues or perceptions. A failure of personal culpability, a failure of that “mistaken so-and-so” (insert your own judging term), a failure of two selves to make things right and keep the friendship on track.
And, yes, perhaps a failed friendship can mean all these things. Perhaps we said or did stupid things. Perhaps the other did not understand what we meant to say, or why we acted that way. Perhaps we shut her out of our sphere. Perhaps she closed the door on us. Perhaps misunderstandings abounded and multiplied due to our different ways of understanding and existing in the universe. Perhaps we didn’t nurture our bonds, be present in times of need.
These days, when a thought arises about a missing-in-action friendship, I still often attempt to assess what possibly went wrong. But I also call in a wider eagle view. To look beyond the personalities with their right and wrong and nuanced pictures.